Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a tough job. You’re working hard abroad, often missing important moments in your children’s lives. But you can still raise happy, strong, and resilient kids, even from a distance. This article is all about how to do just that: empowering your children to thrive while you’re working hard to provide for them.
Understanding the Challenges OFWs and Their Children Face
It’s not easy for your kids when you’re away. Imagine being a child and your mom or dad, or maybe both, suddenly aren’t there every day. It can feel like a piece of their world is missing. They might feel sad, angry, or even scared. Sometimes, kids might not even know how to express these feelings properly. According to a study from the Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS), children of OFWs can experience emotional and psychological challenges due to parental absence. This could include feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and a sense of abandonment. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings are normal, and to create an environment where your children feel safe to talk about them.
On the other hand, as OFWs, parents experience different issues on the other side. The emotional toll of missing family milestones, worrying about their kids’ well-being, and the constant feeling of being disconnected can be overwhelming. Many OFWs also carry the burden of increased financial responsibilities and the pressure to provide for their family back home. This pressure can lead to stress and burnout, which ultimately affects the OFW’s ability to effectively support their children emotionally and mentally.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
Communication is your superpower. Even though you’re not physically there, you can still be a big part of your kids’ lives by keeping the lines of communication open. Schedule regular calls, video chats, or even just send text messages. Make sure these aren’t just check-ins about homework. Ask about their friends, their hobbies, and how they’re feeling. Really listen to what they have to say, even if it seems small or silly. Let them know you’re interested in their lives, no matter what.
Here’s a tip: set aside dedicated time each week or month for longer, more meaningful conversations. Maybe you can read a book together over video call, watch a movie “together” at the same time, or play an online game. These shared experiences can help you stay connected and build lasting memories. For example, if Monday is your free day, plan a 30-minute video call with your child at a specific time. Make it part of both your schedules so they have something to look forward to.
And it’s not just about you talking to them. Encourage your kids to talk to you about their problems, big or small. Be a good listener, offer advice (if they ask for it), and let them know you’re always there for them, no matter what. Remember, it’s not always about fixing the problem; sometimes, they just need someone to listen and understand.
Empowering the Caregiver: Working as a Team
Whether it’s a grandparent, other relative, or guardian, the person looking after your children while you’re away is your partner. You need to work together as a team to ensure your children are well-cared for, loved, and supported. Have open and honest conversations with the caregiver about your expectations, your children’s needs, and any concerns you have.
Regular communication with the caregiver is essential. Ask about your children’s behavior, academic performance, and overall well-being. Share any insights you have about your children’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses. This will help the caregiver better understand your children and provide them with the support they need. It might be useful to create a shared online document like Google Docs where your caregiver can jot down notes, accomplishments, questions, or concerns about the child’s well-being.
Involve the caregiver in your communication with your children. Have them join your video calls, or ask them to relay messages and stories. This will help them feel like they are part of your extended family and strengthen their bond with your children. Also, it is crucial to show appreciation for the caregiver’s efforts. Offer your sincere gratitude, acknowledge their hard work, and find ways to support them in their role. This could include providing financial assistance, offering respite care, or simply lending a listening ear. This ensures that the caregiver feels supported as well.
Fostering Independence and Responsibility
While the caregiver provides support, it’s also crucial to teach your children independence and responsibility. Give them age-appropriate chores and tasks. This could include making their bed, tidying up their room, helping with meal preparation, or taking care of pets. These tasks teach them valuable life skills and help them feel like they are contributing to the household.
Encourage them to make their own decisions. Let them choose their outfits, decide what activities they want to participate in, or even plan their own schedules (within reason, of course). This helps them develop critical thinking skills and builds their self-confidence. Be there to offer guidance and support, but avoid micromanaging their choices. For instance, if your child is interested in joining a school club, let them research the different options, talk to club members, and ultimately make their own decision. You can offer advice based on your own experience and values, but the final choice should be theirs.
It’s also important to teach your children about financial responsibility. Explain to them how money is earned and spent. Give them opportunities to earn their own money, such as through completing extra chores or doing odd jobs. Help them create a budget and track their spending. This will teach them the value of money and help them make informed financial decisions in the future.
Building a Strong Sense of Identity and Culture
While your children are growing up away from you, it’s important to help them maintain a strong sense of identity and culture. This can be especially important if you are working in a country with a very different culture from the Philippines. Talk to them about your family history, traditions, and values. Share stories about your childhood and your experiences as an OFW. This will help them understand where they come from and what’s important to your family.
Celebrate Filipino holidays and traditions, even if you can’t be there in person. Send them special gifts, cook traditional Filipino dishes over video call, or participate in online cultural events. This will help them feel connected to their heritage and culture. For example, during Christmas, you can send them Filipino Christmas decorations or ingredients for making traditional dishes like leche flan.
Encourage them to learn the Filipino language. Even if they primarily speak another language at school or with their friends, it’s important for them to maintain their ability to speak Filipino. This will help them connect with other Filipinos, appreciate Filipino culture, and stay connected to their roots. They can watch Filipino movies or shows, listen to Filipino music, or practice speaking with family members and friends.
Encouraging Positive Relationships and Social Skills
Helping your children build positive relationships and social skills is crucial for their well-being. Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities, join clubs or sports teams, and volunteer in their community. These activities provide opportunities for them to meet new people, develop social skills, and build meaningful relationships.
Teach them how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts peacefully, and be assertive without being aggressive. Role-playing different social scenarios can be a great way for your children to practice these skills. For example, you can role-play a scenario where they have to stand up for themselves against a bully, or a scenario where they have to negotiate with a friend about a disagreement. Consider enrolling your children in a local youth group or organization that focuses on developing social skills and leadership abilities.
It is also important to teach them about empathy and compassion. Encourage them to put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand their feelings. This will help them develop meaningful relationships and become caring and compassionate individuals. Volunteer with a local charity, donate to a cause they care about, or simply encourage them to be kind to others in their daily lives. This will help them develop empathy, compassion, and a sense of social responsibility.
Seeking Outside Support When Needed
Sometimes, you might need help. If you’re worried about your child’s emotional well-being, academic performance, or behavior, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. There are many resources available for OFWs and their families, including counselors, therapists, and support groups. Organizations like the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) often offer counseling services and support programs for OFW families. Don’t be afraid or feel ashamed to seek help; you want to assure your child grows up healthy and secure.
Talk to your child’s teachers, guidance counselors, or school administrators about any concerns you have. They can provide valuable insights and support. Connect with other OFW families in your community or online. Sharing your experiences and getting advice from others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly helpful. There are online forums and social media groups dedicated to OFW families where you can connect with others, share resources, and offer support.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you care about your child’s well-being and are willing to do whatever it takes to support them.
Addressing Common Concerns Among OFW Families
Many OFW families face similar challenges. Let’s look at some common concerns and how to address them:
Guilt and feeling distant: OFWs often feel guilty about being away from their children. Remember that you are providing for their future, and try to focus on quality time whenever possible. Use communication tools to stay connected and involved in their lives.
Behavioral issues: Children may act out due to feelings of abandonment or emotional distress. Be patient, understanding, and seek professional help if needed. Establish clear rules and expectations, and consistently enforce them.
Academic difficulties: Children may struggle in school due to a lack of parental support or emotional issues. Work closely with their teachers and provide tutoring or other academic assistance if needed.
Financial management: It’s important to have a clear budget and financial plan to ensure that your money is being used wisely. Teach your children about financial responsibility and involve them in the budgeting process.
Tips for Maintaining a Positive Mindset
Being an OFW parent is demanding. It’s important to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Eat a healthy diet, get enough exercise, and make time for relaxation and recreation. Connect with friends and family, and seek support if you’re feeling overwhelmed. The Department of Health has several resources on mental health that can be helpful.
Focus on the positive aspects of your situation. Remember that you are providing a better future for your children, and that you are making sacrifices for their well-being. Celebrate your successes and acknowledge your accomplishments.
Practice gratitude and appreciate the small things in life. This will help you stay grounded and maintain a positive outlook. Keep a gratitude journal where you write down things you are thankful for each day. This can help shift your focus from negative thoughts to positive ones and improve your overall well-being.
Technology as a Bridge: Staying Connected
We live in a digital age, and technology is your friend! There are many ways you can use technology to stay connected with your children:
Video calls: Tools like Skype, Zoom, Messenger, and WhatsApp are fantastic for seeing each other’s faces and having real-time conversations. When using these to call your family, remember to respect the time difference and make sure you have a stable internet connection.
Messaging apps: Text messages and messaging apps are great for quick updates, sending photos, and sharing jokes. Create a group chat with your family so you can easily stay in touch. Even small messages like “Thinking of you” and ‘Have a great day!” can make a huge difference.
Social media: While social media can have its downsides, it can also be a way to stay connected and see what your children are up to. Follow their accounts, comment on their posts, and send them direct messages. But, privacy and online safety are also important to consider.
Online games: Playing online games together can be a fun way to bond and spend quality time. Choose games that you both enjoy and set aside time to play together regularly. Many popular mobile games can be played online which will give children a chance to virtually bond with their parents.
Technology can never replace physical presence, but it can certainly help bridge the distance and keep you connected with your children. Take full advantage of the tools available to you and make them a regular part of your communication routine.
FAQ Section
My child is angry that I am always away. How do I deal with it?
Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know you understand why they are upset and that you miss them too. Explain why you are working abroad and how it benefits the family. Focus on quality time during calls and visits. Create a space where they could vent their feelings without judgement.
How can I ensure my child’s safety while I am away?
Choose a trustworthy caregiver, set clear rules and boundaries, and stay involved in their lives through regular communication. Teach them about personal safety and how to handle difficult situations. Consider installing security cameras and monitoring their online activity (with their knowledge and consent). Talk to your child about the dangers of talking to strangers online, especially on social media.
What if my child’s grades are dropping?
Communicate with their teachers to identify the cause. Provide tutoring or other academic assistance. Create a study schedule and ensure they have a quiet place to study. Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities that they enjoy.
How can I prevent my child from feeling lonely?
Encourage them to build strong friendships, participate in extracurricular activities, and stay connected with family members. Spend quality time with them during calls and visits. Consider getting them a pet or enrolling them in a hobby class to help them meet new people and build their social skills.
How do I handle financial pressures while working abroad?
Create a budget, prioritize expenses, and avoid unnecessary spending. Consider seeking financial counseling to help you manage your money wisely. Teach your children about financial responsibility and involve them in the budgeting process.
References
Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS)
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Department of Health (DOH)
Being an OFW parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. But it’s also one of the most rewarding. By focusing on communication, building strong relationships, and empowering your children to thrive, you can create a happy, healthy, and resilient family, even from a distance. Don’t let the distance define your role; let your love, support, and guidance shape your children’s future. Take the first step today: schedule a meaningful conversation with your child. You got this!
