Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a huge sacrifice, especially when it comes to raising kids. It’s tough being far away, but it’s absolutely possible to raise happy, well-adjusted kids even when you’re working abroad. This article is packed with tips and insights to help you navigate this challenging journey.
Understanding the Challenges: What Your Kids Might Be Feeling
Let’s be real, kids feel the absence of a parent working abroad. It’s not just about missing bedtime stories or help with homework. It’s deeper than that. Younger kids might struggle to understand why you’re gone and could feel abandoned or confused. They might exhibit clingy behavior towards the remaining parent or caregiver. Older kids, while they might understand the reasons better, could still feel resentful, lonely, or burdened with extra responsibilities. According to a study examining the psychosocial well-being of children left behind by migrant workers, emotional distress and behavioral problems are common findings. You can find more information about the impact on children’s well-being from the International Labour Organization (ILO).
One common feeling is anxiety. Kids might worry about your safety, especially if you’re working in a country with perceived dangers. They might also worry about the financial stability of the family if something happens to you. Another common issue is a shift in the family dynamic. The remaining parent becomes both mom and dad, and siblings might take on parental roles, leading to stress and resentment. It’s important to acknowledge these challenges and actively address them.
Building a Strong Connection from Afar
Just because you’re physically distant doesn’t mean you can’t be emotionally present. This is where technology becomes your best friend! Regular video calls are crucial. Don’t just ask, “How was your day?” Dig deeper. Ask about specific events, favorite subjects in school, or funny things that happened. Make it a conversation. Make these video calls scheduled, sacred time. Let them know you wouldn’t miss it for the world. Kids need that consistency and predictability.
Beyond video calls, think about other ways to connect. Send handwritten letters or postcards. It’s a tangible reminder of your love and care. Record yourself reading their favorite stories and send the audio files. Older kids might appreciate receiving small care packages with treats or gifts related to their hobbies. Even a simple text message, a quick “thinking of you,” can make a big difference. Remember to be present during these interactions. Put your phone down and give them your undivided attention. If possible, consider using a shared calendar where you can schedule activities and events together virtually.
The Importance of the Caregiver: Choosing Wisely
The person you leave your children with plays a vital role in their well-being. It’s not just about finding someone who can cook and clean. It’s about finding someone who can provide emotional support, guidance, and a stable, nurturing environment. If possible, choose a family member – a grandparent, aunt, or uncle – who your children already trust and love. This familiarity can ease the transition and provide a sense of security.
If you’re hiring a caregiver, do your homework. Check references thoroughly. Conduct multiple interviews, involving your children if possible. Pay attention to their personality, communication style, and child-rearing philosophy. Explain your expectations clearly and provide detailed instructions on everything from meal preparation to discipline. It’s also a good idea to establish clear boundaries and rules for the caregiver to follow. Most importantly, stay connected with the caregiver. Schedule regular check-ins to discuss your children’s progress, any concerns, and to provide support and encouragement.
Maintaining Discipline and Setting Boundaries
Discipline can be tricky when you’re miles away. It’s tempting to let things slide when you do get to talk to them, but consistency is key. Work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and consequences. Discuss how you want your children to be disciplined and ensure that everyone is on the same page. When you talk to your children, reinforce those rules and consequences. If they’ve misbehaved, address it calmly and constructively. Avoid yelling or making empty threats. Instead, focus on explaining why their behavior was wrong and what they can do differently next time.
Remember, discipline is not just about punishment. It’s about teaching your children right from wrong and helping them develop self-control. Praise and reward positive behavior. Let them know you’re proud of their accomplishments, big or small. Encourage their efforts and celebrate their successes. This positive reinforcement can go a long way in building their self-esteem and motivation.
The Power of Open Communication
Talk, talk, talk! Open communication is the bedrock of a strong parent-child relationship, especially when distance is involved. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings, their fears, and their frustrations. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing anything with you, without judgment. Listen actively and empathetically. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. “I understand you’re feeling sad because I’m not there for your school play, but I’m so proud of you for participating.”
Also, be honest with your children about your work. Explain why you’re working abroad and what you’re doing to support the family. Help them understand that your absence is not a reflection of your love for them. Share stories about your life abroad – the good, the bad, and the funny. This helps them feel more connected to you and your experiences. If you’re struggling with homesickness or loneliness, it’s okay to share that with them too, in an age-appropriate way. It shows them that you’re human and that you value their support.
Addressing Emotional Needs and Mental Well-being
Your children’s emotional well-being is paramount. Be on the lookout for signs of depression, anxiety, or eating disorders. Common signs include changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or mood; withdrawal from friends and activities; difficulty concentrating; and increased irritability. If you notice any of these signs, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Talk to your children’s doctor or school counselor. Consider enlisting the help of a therapist or counselor who specializes in working with children of OFWs. They can provide valuable support and guidance to help your children cope with the emotional challenges of parental absence.
Furthermore, encourage your children to participate in activities that they enjoy. Hobbies, sports, clubs, and extracurricular activities can provide a sense of belonging, purpose, and fulfillment. Encourage them to build strong relationships with friends and family members. These relationships can provide a support system and help them feel less isolated. It’s also important to teach your children healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and anxiety. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, and journaling can be helpful tools. The World Health Organization offers different resources about mental health and wellness that might be worth exploring.
The Importance of Maintaining Cultural Identity
When you’re working abroad, it’s easy to lose touch with your Filipino roots. But maintaining your cultural identity is important for both you and your children. Share your traditions, customs, and values with your children. Cook Filipino food, speak Tagalog or your local dialect, and celebrate Filipino holidays. Tell them stories about your childhood and your family history. This helps them feel connected to their heritage and provides a sense of belonging. Also, encourage them to participate in Filipino cultural events and activities in your community. Connecting with other Filipino families can provide a sense of camaraderie and support.
If possible, try to incorporate Filipino values into your parenting style. Values like respect for elders, strong family ties, and hard work are important character traits. Teach your children about the sacrifices you’re making for them and instill in them a sense of gratitude and responsibility. By maintaining your cultural identity, you can help your children develop a strong sense of self and pride in their heritage. It will help them understand the bigger picture of why you are working abroad.
Returning Home: Preparing for the Reunion
Your homecoming is a momentous occasion, but it’s also a transition. Don’t expect everything to go back to normal immediately. It takes time for everyone to adjust to your presence. Prepare your children for your return by talking about it in advance. Ask them what they’re looking forward to and what they’re worried about. On your return, be patient and understanding. Resist the urge to take over everything. Give your children and the caregiver time to adjust to the new dynamic. Spend quality time with each of your children individually, doing things that they enjoy. Show them that you’re genuinely interested in their lives.
Be prepared for some challenges. Your children may be clingy or withdrawn. They may test your boundaries or act out. Don’t take it personally. It’s their way of expressing their emotions. Be consistent with your discipline and expectations. Reinforce the rules and consequences that were established before your return. Talk to your children about their feelings and address their concerns. It’s also important to rebuild your relationship with the remaining parent. Spend time together as a couple and work on strengthening your bond. Remember that your return is a new beginning for everyone. With patience, understanding, and open communication, you can successfully reintegrate into the family and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your children.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions regarding raising children while working as an OFW:
Q: How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my children?
A: It’s normal to feel guilty when you’re working abroad and missing out on your children’s lives. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself why you’re doing this. Focus on the positive aspects of your work, such as providing a better future for your family. Make an effort to stay connected with your children and be present in their lives, even from afar. Remember that your children appreciate your sacrifices and love you unconditionally. Consider joining online communities for OFWs. It helps to share your feelings and know you’re not alone.
Q: My child is acting out since I left. What should I do?
A: It’s common for children to act out when a parent leaves for work abroad. It’s their way of expressing their sadness, anger, or anxiety. Talk to your child, listen to their feelings, and validate their emotions. Work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and consequences. Provide extra attention and affection. Encourage your child to participate in activities that they enjoy. If the behavior persists, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
Q: How can I make my infrequent visits more meaningful?
A: Make the most of your visits by planning ahead. Ask your children what they want to do and what they want to talk about. Put your phone down and give them your undivided attention. Be present in the moment and enjoy their company. Take lots of pictures and videos to capture the memories. Bring small gifts that are meaningful and personal. Most importantly, let them know how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Even if its a short visit, make use of the time.
Q: How do I handle my teenager’s resentment towards my work abroad?
A: Teenagers often struggle with their parents working abroad, feeling resentment and anger. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Talk to them openly and honestly about your work. Explain the reasons why you’re working abroad and what you’re doing to support the family. Listen to their concerns and address their questions. Help them understand that your absence is not a reflection of your love for them. Encourage them to participate in activities that they enjoy and to build strong relationships with friends and family members. Seek professional help if their resentment persists.
Q: What are some practical tips for managing finances from abroad?
A: Create a budget and stick to it. Set up automatic transfers to your family’s bank account. Designate a trusted family member to manage the finances. Teach your children about the value of money and how to budget. Avoid sending excessive amounts of money that could encourage wasteful spending. Explore online banking and mobile payment options to simplify transactions. Seek advice from a financial advisor to create a long-term financial plan.
References
The recommendations in this article are not exhaustive and are presented for educational purposes only.
- International Labour Organization (ILO). Labor Migration. (https://www.ilo.org/global/topics/labour-migration/lang–en/index.htm)
- World Health Organization (WHO). Mental health: strengthening our response. (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response)
Okay, so you’ve read all this. You are now armed with information and tools to better navigate the challenges of raising kids while working abroad as an OFW. But, knowledge is only half the battle. Now, it’s time to take action! Start by scheduling that extra videocall. Write that heartfelt letter. Discuss your worries with co-workers. Most importantly— forgive yourself. Take small steps. Consistent steps. Your kids are counting on you to be present—in whatever way you can. Take that first step today!
