Supporting a spouse who’s working abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) isn’t easy. It comes with unique problems that need understanding and teamwork. This article will help you, the spouse left behind, navigate those challenges with practical tips and real-life examples.
Understanding the OFW Life and Its Impact
Think of your spouse’s decision to work abroad. It’s a big sacrifice, a tough choice made with the hope of a brighter future for your family. They’re facing a new culture, different work environment, and being away from their loved ones. It’s not just about sending money; it’s about the emotional, mental, and even physical toll it takes on them.
Knowing this is the first step. Try to really empathize with what they are going through. Ask them about their day, not just about how much they earned. Let them know you appreciate their hard work and sacrifice. A simple “I’m proud of you” can go a long way.
For example, imagine your spouse is a nurse in Saudi Arabia. They might be dealing with long hours, language barriers, and cultural differences in patient care. A study on the challenges faced by Filipino nurses abroad, like this one published by the National Institutes of Health, reveals the psychological stress and potential burnout they experience. Understanding this context allows you to offer support that’s most meaningful to them.
Communication is Key (Even When It’s Hard)
We all know communication is important in any relationship, but it’s especially vital when you’re miles apart. Consistent and open communication can bridge the physical distance.
Schedule regular calls: Don’t just rely on occasional chats. Set aside specific times each week for longer conversations. This could be a video call where you can see each other’s faces, or just a phone call to catch up on each other’s day.
Be honest about your feelings: Don’t bottle up your emotions. If you’re feeling lonely, or overwhelmed, let your spouse know. They can’t help if they don’t know what you’re going through.
Listen actively: When your spouse is talking, really listen. Pay attention to what they’re saying, ask clarifying questions, and offer empathy. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions.
Use technology to your advantage: There are so many ways to stay connected these days. Use messaging apps, social media, and video conferencing to stay in touch throughout the day. Share photos, videos, and updates on your life back home.
For example, imagine your husband is working on a construction site in Qatar. He might not be able to call during the day, but you can send him photos of the kids playing, or a message about something funny that happened. This will help him feel connected to your life back home, and remind him of what he’s working for.
Managing Finances Together, From Afar
Financial disagreements can be a major source of stress in any relationship, and this is amplified when dealing with remittances from abroad. It’s crucial to be on the same page regarding savings, spending, and investments.
Create a joint budget: Sit down (virtually, if necessary) and create a budget together. Decide how much money will be allocated for savings, expenses, and investments.
Be transparent about spending: Keep each other informed about your spending habits. This will help prevent misunderstandings and build trust.
Avoid unnecessary expenses: It’s tempting to splurge when you receive a remittance, but remember that your spouse is working hard for that money. Be mindful of your spending and prioritize your needs over your wants.
For example, a common issue is excessive spending during fiestas. While celebrating is important, setting a reasonable budget beforehand ensures that your savings goals aren’t drastically impacted.
Plan for the future: Discuss your long-term financial goals, such as buying a house, funding your children’s education, or saving for retirement. Having a clear vision for the future will help you stay motivated and make smart financial decisions.
Learn about investments: Consider investing some of your savings to help your money grow faster. Explore different investment options and choose ones that match your risk tolerance and financial goals.
A good starting point is researching about government bonds or mutual funds suitable for OFWs and their families.
Remember, handling finances together is about teamwork. Discuss financial decisions openly and make sure both of you are comfortable with the plans made.
Dealing with Loneliness & Emotional Challenges
Being left behind can be incredibly lonely. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways to cope.
Stay connected with friends and family: Don’t isolate yourself. Spend time with your loved ones, attend social events, and maintain your relationships.
Find a hobby or activity you enjoy: This will help you take your mind off your worries and feel more fulfilled.
Join a support group: Connecting with other spouses of OFWs can be incredibly helpful. You can share your experiences, offer support, and learn coping strategies. Look for online or in-person groups in your community.
Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. There are also programs that offer free mental healthcare. Remember, there is strength in seeking assistance; prioritize your mental and emotional wellness.
For example, if you love gardening, dedicate more time to it. If you enjoy reading, join a book club. These small activities can significantly improve your overall well-being.
Taking Care of Yourself: Physically and Mentally
It’s easy to put your own needs on the back burner when you’re taking care of your family while your spouse is away, but remembering self-care is highly crucial. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential to be able to support your family.
Eat a healthy diet: Nourish your body with healthy foods to boost your energy levels and improve your mood.
Exercise regularly: Physical activity can help reduce stress, improve sleep, and boost your overall well-being. Even a short walk each day can make a difference.
Get enough sleep: Aim for at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep can worsen your mood and make it harder to cope with stress.
Practice relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga to calm your mind and relax your body.
Schedule “me time” each day: Even if it’s just for 15 minutes, make time for yourself to do something you enjoy.
Perhaps take a break to read, listen to music, or take a relaxing bath. These moments of peace can recharge you for the challenges ahead.
Dealing With Extended Family Obligations and Pressures
Extended family relationships in Filipino culture can be both a source of support and extra responsibility. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate expectations effectively.
Have an open conversation with your spouse: Discuss which family obligations you are comfortable with and which ones you need help with.
Be clear about your limits: Don’t be afraid to say no if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s okay to prioritize your own family’s needs.
Delegate responsibilities: If possible, delegate some of the responsibilities to other family members.
Set realistic expectations: Don’t try to please everyone. Focus on what you can realistically manage and let go of the rest.
For example, decide together how much financial support to provide and communicate this clearly to avoid misunderstandings and resentment. Remember, it’s alright to prioritize your immediate family’s needs.
Building a Strong Foundation for Your Children
Your children are also feeling the absence of their parent. It’s important to provide them with love, support, and stability.
Talk to your children about their feelings: Encourage them to express their emotions about their parent’s absence. Listen empathetically and offer reassurance.
Keep their parent involved in their lives: Encourage your children to communicate with their parent regularly through video calls, messages, or letters. Share photos and videos of their activities.
Maintain routines and traditions: This will help create a sense of stability and normalcy.
Be their role model: Show your children how to be strong, resilient, and independent.
Celebrate milestones together: Find creative ways to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions, even when your spouse is not physically present.
If possible, plan virtual celebrations to make them feel included and loved. Showing photos and videos of their parent is also a good way to keep them included.
Preparing for Your Spouse’s Return
Planning your spouse’s homecoming can ease their adjustment and rebuild your family life.
Discuss expectations: Talk openly about your expectations for the future, including how you’ll manage finances, household chores, and childcare once your spouse returns.
Make time for each other: Schedule regular date nights or other activities to reconnect and rekindle your relationship.
Be patient: It may take time for your spouse to adjust to being back home. Be patient and understanding, and allow them time to reacclimate to your family life.
Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling to adjust to your spouse’s return, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
For example, if your spouse has been away for several years, life back home might be very different. Talk about any changes that have happened and how to integrate them into your lives together.
Your spouse’s homecoming needs to be a thoughtful journey. A critical step is open communication. Discuss expectations and worries upfront. Make time for quality time, plan vacations, or revisit your dating phase activities. Understand that readjustment takes time, and adjustments are needed from both of you. Support each other throughout this phase. By addressing difficulties together, your bond strengthens.
Staying Positive and Hopeful
Maintaining a positive outlook and staying hopeful are crucial for both your well-being and your relationship.
Focus on the positive aspects of your situation: Remind yourself of the benefits of your spouse’s work abroad, such as financial security and opportunities for your children.
Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, both big and small.
Practice gratitude: Take time each day to appreciate the good things in your life.
Believe in the future: Have faith that things will get better and that you will eventually be reunited with your spouse permanently.
Each day may bring you new struggles and it is normal to feel a little helpless. But remember that hope and faith is a great medicine to keep sailing forward.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions regarding the challenges of being left behind as an OFW spouse:
What can I do about the loneliness I feel when my spouse is away?
It’s perfectly normal to feel lonely. Connect with friends and family regularly. Join a local group for OFW spouses or an online support community which can provide understanding and practical advice. Engage in hobbies, exercise, and dedicate time to activities you enjoy or have been wanting to try. Consider speaking to a therapist if you’re having trouble managing these feelings.
How can I handle the financial responsibilities alone?
Create a detailed budget with your spouse’s input, if possible. Track your spending, prioritize needs, and find ways to save. Educate yourself about financial planning and investing. If feasible, get a financial advisor to give you professional tips on managing your budget.
My children are having a hard time with their parent being away. What should I do?
Be open and honest with your children about their parent’s absence. Encourage them to communicate with their parent regularly through video calls, messages, or letters. Maintain routines and traditions to provide stability. Spend quality time with your children and reassure them that they are loved. If needed, consult a child psychologist or counselor who can help them cope.
How can I keep the romance alive in our relationship when we’re apart?
Schedule regular video calls for quality time. Send each other thoughtful messages or gifts. Plan virtual date nights where you watch a movie or have dinner together. Talk openly about your feelings and desires. When possible, plan visits to see each other.
What should I do if I feel overwhelmed and stressed?
Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. Practice self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. Delegate tasks if possible and don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or friends. Seek professional support from a therapist or counselor.
How often should we communicate with each other?
There’s no single answer to this question; the best approach rests on your preferences and communication styles. But, try to communicate as frequently as possible because it cultivates a healthy relationship. Share highlights of your day or special moments.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Millions of Filipinos are in similar situations. By understanding the challenges, communicating openly, and supporting each other, you can navigate the difficulties and build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start improving your life. Start today. Connect with other OFW spouses, find a new hobby, or schedule a call with your partner. You hold the power to create a more fulfilling and joyful life, even with the distance. Take the first step now!
References:
National Institutes of Health (NIH)
