Having a mom or dad working far away can be tough for kids. It can make them feel sad, lonely, and even worried. This article talks about these feelings and what you can do to help.
Understanding the Feelings: Why Kids Feel This Way
Imagine your favorite person is suddenly gone. That’s how it feels for kids when their parents become Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs). It’s not just about missing them; it’s about a big change in their lives. According to a study by the Philippine Statistics Authority, millions of Filipinos work abroad, and many of them have left behind children who grapple with the emotional consequences of parental migration. These consequences can be pretty significant. Let’s break that down some more.
One of the biggest feelings is loneliness. Kids might feel like they don’t have anyone who truly understands them. Their friends might have both parents at home, which makes the OFW’s child feel even more isolated. They might miss having someone to talk to about their day, help with homework, or just give them a hug when they need it. It’s like having a piece of their heart missing all the time.
Then there’s anxiety. Kids often worry about their parents’ safety, especially if they’re working in a country far away. They might hear scary things on the news or imagine the worst-case scenarios. They might also worry about who will take care of them if their remaining parent or guardian gets sick or can’t manage everything. This anxiety can show up in different ways, like trouble sleeping, eating problems, or acting out.
And let’s not forget about sadness. It’s normal for kids to feel sad when they miss their parents. They might cry a lot, feel down all the time, or lose interest in things they used to enjoy. They might even feel resentful towards their parent for leaving, even though they understand it’s for the family’s benefit. This sadness can be hard to deal with, especially if they don’t know how to express it.
Spotting the Signs: How to Tell if a Child is Struggling
Sometimes, kids don’t always say they’re feeling sad or worried. They might show it in other ways. It’s important to understand these signs to provide timely support. Here are some things to watch out for:
Changes in behavior: Has your child become more withdrawn, irritable, or aggressive? Are they suddenly getting into trouble at school or at home? These could be signs that they’re struggling with their emotions. For example, a child who used to be happy and outgoing might suddenly become quiet and prefer to stay alone in their room.
Trouble at school: Is your child’s grades dropping? Are they having a hard time focusing in class? Are they refusing to go to school? These could be signs that they’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed because of being an OFW child. The stresses of home can have knock-on effects at school, leading to concentration and motivation issues.
Physical symptoms: Is your child complaining of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained aches and pains? Stress and anxiety can often manifest physically. They might start bedwetting again or have changes in their eating habits, too, as the body responds to the underlying stress.
Changes in sleep patterns: Is your child having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep? Are they having nightmares? These can be common signs of anxiety and worry, especially in kids. They might toss and turn all night, worrying about their parent or feeling lonely in their bed. Consistent sleep disturbances warrants closer attention and perhaps a visit to the pediatrician.
Clinginess or excessive need for attention: Is your child suddenly more clingy and demanding than usual? Do they constantly need reassurance and attention? This could be a sign that they’re feeling insecure and need extra love and support. For instance, they may follow the caregiver around all day.
What Can Be Done? Practical Tips for Guardians and OFWs
Okay, so we know what kids might be feeling. Now let’s talk about what we can actually do about it. It requires effort and a coordinated approach from everyone involved. Here are some strategies:
Open Communication is Key: This is number one for a reason. Encourage kids to talk about their feelings, even if it’s hard for them. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and worries without being judged. Ask them open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about Mom being away?” or “What do you miss most about Dad?” Really listen without interrupting and acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. You can even create a “feelings chart” with different emotions and ask them point to how they are feeling. Remember, communicating is not just about talking; it’s also about listening.
Regular Communication with the OFW Parent: Schedule regular video calls, phone calls, or even send messages back and forth. Seeing and hearing their parent’s voice can make a huge difference. Make sure the kids get some one-on-one time with their parent, even for just a few minutes. Read stories together, sing songs, or just chat about their day. Also, try to plan these calls so that they fit the child’s schedule and not at the last minute.
Establish a Routine: Kids thrive on routine and structure. It helps them feel safe and secure, especially when their lives have been disrupted by a parent’s absence. Stick to regular meal times, bedtimes, and homework times. Include fun activities in their routine, like playing games, reading books, or going to the park. A predictable routine provides a sense of stability and normalcy.
Involve Them in Decision-Making: Even though their parent is away, kids still need to feel like they have a say in their lives. Involve them in age-appropriate decisions, such as what to have for dinner, what activities to do on the weekend, or what clothes to buy. This gives them a sense of control and independence. Just be mindful of not burdening them with responsibilities beyond their age.
Create a Memory Box or Scrapbook: This is a creative and tangible way for kids to stay connected to their OFW parent. Gather photos, letters, drawings, and other mementos that remind them of their parent. They can look through the memory box whenever they’re feeling sad or missing their parent. Scrapbooking can also be a fun family activity.
Encourage Connection with the Community: Help your child build strong relationships with extended family, friends, and neighbors. These people can provide emotional support and a sense of belonging. Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities, like sports, music, or art. This can help them make new friends and develop new interests.
Be Present and Engaged: When you’re with your child, be fully present. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your undivided attention. Listen to what they have to say, play with them, and just enjoy their company. Quality time is more important than quantity time. The remaining parent or caregiver must provide as much attention and support as possible.
Seek support from other OFW families: Connecting with other families in similar situations can provide a sense of community and understanding. Online forums and support groups for OFW families can offer a space to share experiences, exchange advice, and feel less alone. Sharing tips and challenges can create emotional bonds and resilience.
Avoid making promises you cannot keep: OFWs should avoid making promises to their children that they cannot guarantee to keep. Broken promises can lead to disappointment and erode trust. Honesty about when visits will occur and what is possible is essential for managing expectations and maintaining a strong relationship.
Specific Tips for the OFW Parent
It’s not just the guardians at home who can help. The OFW parent plays a huge role, too. Here are some tips specifically for parents working abroad:
Be Consistent with Communication: Stick to a regular schedule for calls and messages. Even if you’re busy, make time to connect with your child. Let them know you’re thinking of them. A quick text message to say hello can go a long way. According to a research by the Scalabrini Migration Center, children who maintained consistent communication with their parents reported higher levels of emotional well-being.
Send Care Packages: Receiving a package from their parent can be a real treat for kids. Include small gifts, snacks, letters, or artwork. It shows them you’re thinking of them and that you care. The package doesn’t have to be expensive; it’s the thought that counts.
Plan Visits Carefully: If possible, plan regular visits home. This gives your child something to look forward to. During your visit, spend quality time with them. Do things they enjoy, like going to the park, watching movies, or playing games. A well-planned, joyous visit can create lovely memories that will make them wait for your next homecoming.
Involve Yourself in Their Lives from Afar: Even though you’re far away, you can still be involved in your child’s life. Ask about their schoolwork, their friends, and their hobbies. Attend school events virtually, if possible. Show them that you’re interested in what they’re doing. Participate in video calls with teachers or other important adult members of your child’s life.
Talk About Your Work: Help your child understand why you’re working abroad. Explain that you’re doing it to provide for the family. Share positive aspects of your work, like your colleagues, your accomplishments, and the new things you’re learning. If appropriate, show them pictures or videos of your workplace. Transparency can help them understand the necessity of your work and alleviate their worries.
Acknowledge Their Feelings: Let your child know that you understand how hard it is for them. Acknowledge their sadness, loneliness, and worry. Tell them that you miss them, too. Validate their feelings and assure them that you love them very much. Acknowledging their feelings will make them feel heard and understood.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Consider It
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, kids might need extra help to cope with their emotions. It’s important to recognize when professional help is needed. Consulting a therapist or counselor could be beneficial.
Persistent Sadness or Anxiety: If your child is consistently sad, anxious, or withdrawn for an extended period, it’s time to seek professional help. If the sadness or anxiety interferes with their daily life, it might be a sign of a more serious issue. Pay attention to how frequent and intense the episodes are.
Significant Behavioral Changes: If your child exhibits significant changes in behavior, such as aggression, self-harm, or substance abuse, it’s crucial to seek professional help immediately. These are warning signs that should not be ignored. Counseling will guide them to overcome the issues that they are dealing with.
Difficulty Coping with Grief or Loss: If your child is struggling to cope with the death of a loved one or a significant loss, such as the loss of a pet or a friendship, professional help can provide support and guidance. This can help them process the grief and come to terms with death.
Traumatic Experiences: If your child has experienced a traumatic event, such as abuse, neglect, or violence, professional help is essential. Trauma can have long-lasting effects on a child’s mental and emotional health. If they witnessed or experienced anything that bothered them, consult with a professional.
School-Related Problems: If your child is experiencing significant problems at school, such as academic difficulties, bullying, or social isolation, professional help can help address these issues. The professional can work with them and explore strategies to overcome the situations that are troubling them.
Mental Health Professionals: Look for licensed psychologists, counselors, or social workers who specialize in working with children and families. They can provide therapy, counseling, and other interventions to help your child cope with their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Professionals can help address the causes of their anxiety.
FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions
What are some common mistakes that parents make when dealing with kids struggling with OFW life?
Some common mistakes include minimizing the child’s feelings, not being consistent with communication, making promises they can’t keep, and not seeking professional help when needed. Minimizing a child’s feelings (“It’s not that big of a deal”) can invalidate their experience and make them feel unheard. Inconsistency in communication can lead to feelings of neglect. Broken promises damage trust. And hesitation to seek professional help can prolong suffering.
How can I help my child build resilience in the face of their parent’s absence?
You can help your child build resilience by fostering a strong sense of self-esteem, encouraging them to develop healthy coping mechanisms, promoting positive relationships, and providing a supportive environment. Praise their strengths, encourage them to pursue their interests, teach them problem-solving skills, and help them build strong connections with family, friends, and community members. Remember, resilience is built over time through consistent support.
What if my child is angry or resentful towards their OFW parent?
It’s important to acknowledge and validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry or resentful. Encourage them to express their feelings in a healthy way, such as through talking, writing, or creative activities. Help them understand the reasons behind their parent’s decision to work abroad. It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor to help them process their feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms to better understand their negative emotions.
How can I make video calls more engaging for young children?
Make video calls interactive and fun! Plan activities such as reading stories, singing songs, playing games, or doing crafts together. Use props, toys, or costumes to make the call more visually appealing. Keep the calls short and sweet, especially for very young children. Most importantly, be present and engaged during the call, and show your child that you’re happy to see them.
How important is the caregiver’s role in supporting children of OFWs?
The caregiver’s role is extremely important! They are the primary source of support and stability for the child in the absence of the OFW parent. They need to provide love, care, guidance, and emotional support. They must be patient, understanding, and responsive to the child’s needs. They also serve as a bridge between the child and the OFW parent, facilitating communication and maintaining a strong connection. Consistency is key.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (Various Years). Special Release on Overseas Filipino Workers.
Scalabrini Migration Center
Take Action Today!
The challenges that kids face when a parent works overseas are real, but they’re not insurmountable. By understanding the emotional toll and implementing practical strategies, we can help these children thrive. Don’t wait! Start a conversation with your child today. Be present. Be supportive. Be their rock. And remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Let’s work together to ensure that every child of an OFW feels loved, supported, and empowered to reach their full potential. Their future depends on it!
