It’s tough being an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker). You work hard far from home to provide for your family, but sometimes, you hear that your child is acting up – getting into trouble at school, being disrespectful at home, or just generally showing changes in behavior. This can be really worrying, especially when you’re miles away and can’t be there physically to help. But don’t worry, you’re not alone, and there are things you can do to address these behavior issues even from overseas.
Understanding Why Kids Act Out
First things first, let’s try to understand why your child might be acting out. It’s rarely just about being “naughty.” Often, it’s a way of communicating something they can’t put into words. Think about it: you being away is a big change for them. They might be feeling sad, lonely, scared, or even angry that you’re not around. This can lead to behavioral changes. According to research, children of migrant workers can experience increased emotional and behavioral problems. They may be struggling with feelings of abandonment or insecurity. Sometimes, acting out is a way to get attention – even if it’s negative attention. They might think that if they misbehave, at least someone will notice them and pay attention to them.
Another thing to consider is changes in their environment. Has your child recently moved to a new school, neighborhood, or even just a different class? Are they experiencing any bullying or social difficulties? Kids sometimes act out because they’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed by something happening in their lives. It’s crucial to look deeper than just the surface behavior.
Talking to Your Child Even From Afar
Communication is key, even when you’re overseas. Make it a priority to talk to your child regularly. Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Try to ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their feelings. For example, you could ask “What was the best part of your day?” or “What was something that made you feel happy/sad/frustrated today?” Really listen to what they have to say, even if it’s not always easy to hear. Validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand why they’re feeling the way they are. Saying something like “I know it’s hard having me away, and it’s okay to feel sad about that” can make a big difference.
Utilize technology to your advantage. Video calls are a great way to connect with your child and see their face. Even short, regular video calls can help them feel more connected to you. If possible, try to schedule a consistent time for your calls so they know when to expect them. This creates a sense of routine and security. You can also use messaging apps to stay in touch throughout the day. Send them encouraging messages, ask them about their homework, or just let them know you’re thinking of them.
Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. Avoid lecturing or scolding them, especially over the phone or video call. Focus on empathy and understanding. Try to see things from their perspective and let them know that you’re on their side. If they’re telling you about something difficult they’re going through, resist the urge to immediately jump in with solutions. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen and validate their feelings.
Working With the Caregiver at Home
The person taking care of your child while you’re away – whether it’s your spouse, a relative, or a nanny – is your partner in addressing your child’s behavior issues. It’s crucial to have open and honest communication with them. Make sure you’re both on the same page about discipline and expectations. Talk about your child’s specific behavior problems and brainstorm strategies for addressing them together.
One important thing is to establish clear and consistent rules and consequences. Children thrive on structure and predictability. When they know what to expect, they’re less likely to act out. Work with the caregiver to create a set of household rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Make sure the consequences are age-appropriate and fair. Consistency is key. The rules and consequences should be enforced consistently by both you and the caregiver. This sends a clear message to your child that you’re both united in setting boundaries.
Don’t underestimate the power of positive reinforcement. Catch your child being good! When they exhibit the behaviors you want to see, praise them and reward them. This could be anything from verbal praise to a small treat or privilege. Positive reinforcement is often more effective than punishment in the long run. It encourages your child to repeat the desired behaviors because they know they’ll be rewarded for them.
Empower the caregiver to make decisions. While you should definitely be involved in the big decisions, allow the caregiver to handle day-to-day discipline and behavior management. This will make them feel more confident and capable, and it will also help to maintain consistency for your child. Check in regularly with the caregiver to see how things are going and offer support and guidance as needed. Remember, they’re on the front lines, and they need your support to be successful.
School Involvement: Partnering with Teachers and Counselors
Your child’s school is another important partner in addressing behavior issues. Stay in close contact with their teachers and counselors. Attend parent-teacher conferences (even virtually!) and communicate regularly about your child’s progress and any concerns you may have. Ask the teachers for specific examples of the behaviors they’re seeing in the classroom and work together to develop strategies for addressing them. For teachers dealing with students who have parents working abroad, there are indeed strategies that they can employ and some of those involve coordination with the student’s guardians or relatives.
If your child is experiencing significant behavior problems at school, consider requesting a meeting with the school counselor. The counselor can provide valuable insights into your child’s emotional and social development and can offer support and resources for both you and your child. They may also be able to identify any underlying issues that are contributing to the behavior problems, such as learning disabilities or emotional difficulties. The Department of Education in your child’s locality is the best option to consult schools near you.
Don’t be afraid to advocate for your child. If you feel that the school is not adequately addressing their needs, speak up. Explain your concerns clearly and respectfully and work collaboratively with the school staff to find solutions. Remember, you are your child’s biggest advocate, and it’s important to ensure that they are receiving the support they need to succeed.
Addressing Specific Behavior Problems
Let’s talk about some specific behavior problems that children of OFWs often experience and some strategies for addressing them. Remember, these are just general suggestions, and what works for one child may not work for another. It’s important to tailor your approach to your child’s individual needs and personality.
Aggression: If your child is aggressive towards others (hitting, biting, kicking, etc.), it’s important to address this behavior immediately. Teach them alternative ways to express their anger and frustration, such as using their words or taking a break. Consider role-playing different scenarios with them to help them practice these strategies. You can do this via video call. Make sure they understand that violence is never the answer. Positive reinforcement when they choose another way to address anger could be helpful too.
Disrespectful Behavior: Disrespectful behavior can include talking back, ignoring instructions, or being rude to others. Establish clear expectations for respectful behavior and enforce consequences when those expectations are not met. Teach your child the importance of respect and empathy. Encourage them to consider how their words and actions affect others.
Withdrawal: Some children may withdraw and become isolated when their parents are away. They may spend more time alone, avoid social activities, or seem sad or depressed. Encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy and to connect with friends and family members. Make sure they know that you’re there for them and that they can talk to you about their feelings. Getting advice from a counselor might be helpful in extreme cases.
Academic Problems: If your child’s grades are slipping or they’re struggling in school, it’s important to investigate the underlying causes. Are they having difficulty with the material? Are they feeling overwhelmed or stressed? Are they being bullied or distracted at school? Work with the teachers and counselors to identify the root of the problem and develop strategies for supporting your child academically. Perhaps hiring a tutor could address academic issues.
Anxiety: Separation anxiety is obviously really common if you’re working abroad! Acknowledge your child’s feelings and offer reassurance when they’re feeling anxious. Help them develop coping strategies for managing their anxiety, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques. Create a consistent routine to provide them with a sense of security. If their anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily life, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. Talking about separation plans and the time element involved might help them.
Taking Care of Yourself
It’s easy to get so caught up in your child’s behavior problems that you forget to take care of yourself. But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being so that you can be the best parent possible, even from overseas. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Connect with friends and family members and engage in activities you enjoy. Find healthy ways to manage your own stress and emotions. Consider joining a support group for OFWs where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for your own well-being and for the well-being of your family.
The Power of Technology
Let’s expand a bit more about the power of technology. You can use technology to foster closeness. Consider playing online games with your child, watching movies together (using a watch party feature), or even reading bedtime stories over video call. Technology can also provide educational resources. There are countless online learning platforms and educational apps that can help your child with their school work and expand their knowledge. Encourage them to explore these resources and make learning fun. Use social media wisely. While it’s important to be mindful of the potential risks of social media, it can also be a way for your child to connect with friends and family members and stay informed about current events. Just make sure to supervise their social media use and teach them about online safety.
Preparing for Your Return
The thought of coming home may excite you, but it is possible that your child may show more negative attitudes when you get back home. Anticipate that your child’s behavior may change and that it would take adjusting on both ends. It may be challenging, but be patient and approach it with empathy and understanding. Talk with your co-parent or family member on the child’s behavior so you would know what to expect. Have open conversations about the time you are going to spend together as a family. Also, re-establishing yourself as a parental figure may need some time for your child to adjust to. Be present. Set aside time for family activities like picnics or just going out. This could all help make your arrival less traumatic for your child.
FAQ Section
Q: My child refuses to talk to me on the phone. What should I do?
A: Don’t take it personally. They might be feeling overwhelmed or sad about you being away. Try to find other ways to connect with them, such as sending them messages or playing online games together. Make it clear that you’re available to talk whenever they’re ready, but don’t pressure them.
Q: My child is doing well in school, but they’re constantly fighting with their siblings. How can I address this?
A: Sibling rivalry is common, especially when one parent is away. Set clear rules for how siblings should treat each other and enforce consequences for fighting. Encourage them to find positive ways to resolve their conflicts. Make sure each child gets individual attention and feels loved and valued.
Q: I’m worried that my child is spending too much time on video games. What should I do?
A: Set limits on screen time and encourage them to engage in other activities, such as playing sports, reading, or spending time with friends. Make sure they have a balanced schedule that includes both screen time and offline activities. Talk to them about the potential risks of excessive screen time, such as eye strain, sleep problems, and social isolation.
Q: I’m feeling guilty about being away from my child. How can I cope with this?
A: It’s normal to feel guilty when you’re away from your child, but try to focus on the positive aspects of your situation. You’re working hard to provide for your family, and you’re making sacrifices for their future. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can and that your love for your child is unwavering. Connect with other OFWs and share your feelings and experiences.
Q: Where can I find additional support and resources?
A: Seek support from OFW support groups, your local community centers, or cultural organization that supports Overseas Filipino Workers. They can offer valuable guidance, advice, and support.
References
Note: These are examples; please replace with actual sources used.
1. Study on the Impact of Parental Migration on Children’s Wellbeing
2. Child Behavior Management Strategies for Parents
3. Overseas Filipino Workers and Family Dynamics
Instead of a conclusion, let me tell you this: Being an OFW is hard, but you’re doing an incredible job. You’re a superhero from afar, working tirelessly for your family’s future. Don’t let the challenges of distance and behavior issues discourage you. Implement these steps and be there for your children as much as possible. Your sacrifices are seen and appreciated. Take a deep breath, stay connected, and remember that even miles away, your love and guidance can make a world of difference.
