Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough, especially when it means raising your children from a distance. This article offers practical tips and advice to help you stay connected and be a present parent, even when you’re miles away.
The Emotional Toll: Understanding Your Feelings and Your Child’s
Let’s be honest, being apart from your kids is heartbreaking. You miss milestones, school events, and everyday moments. Recognizing and validating these feelings is the first step. It’s okay to feel sad, guilty, or frustrated. Don’t bottle it up. Talk to your partner, family members, or even other OFWs who understand what you’re going through. They can offer support and a listening ear.
Your children are also experiencing a range of emotions. They might feel sadness, anger, resentment, or even confusion. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and create a safe space for them to express themselves. Avoid dismissing their emotions or telling them to “behave.” Instead, try saying things like, “I know it’s hard that I’m not there,” or “It makes me sad too, but I’m working hard for our future.”
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship, especially when distance is involved. It’s not just about talking; it’s about connecting on a deeper level. Schedule regular video calls, not just quick chats. Make time for meaningful conversations where you can really listen to your children’s thoughts and feelings.
Don’t just ask, “How was your day?” Try more specific questions that will encourage them to open up. For example, “What was the funniest thing that happened at school today?” or “What was the most challenging thing you did today?” Learn about their interests, their friends, and their concerns. This shows them that you’re interested in their lives, even from afar. Consider playing online games together. These games can create shared experience and bond.
Remember, it’s not just about talking, it’s also about listening. Pay attention to what your children are saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Are they withdrawn? Are they acting out? These could be signs that they’re struggling and need extra support. Studies on communication in families highlight the importance of active listening skills.
Leveraging Technology: Making Distance Feel Smaller
We live in a digital age, and technology offers incredible tools to stay connected. Video calls are a must. Apps like WhatsApp, Viber, or Messenger allow you to see and hear your children in real-time. Don’t limit yourselves to formal calls. Send quick voice messages, funny videos, or photos throughout the day to let them know you’re thinking of them.
Consider using online calendars or shared journals. You can use these to schedule important dates, share photos, or write messages back and forth. This can help you feel more involved in their daily lives and create a sense of connection. Create shared playlists on Spotify or YouTube. Share music or videos that you both enjoy. This is a fun way to bond and create shared memories.
Think about creating a private family Facebook or Instagram group. This allows you to share photos, videos, and updates with your family members in a safe and controlled environment. It can also be a great way for your children to connect with other family members who are also far away. Remember to check out UNICEF’s tips on safe internet usage for kids to ensure your children are browsing safely online.
Consistent Involvement: Being Present Even When You’re Not
Being involved in your children’s lives doesn’t require physical presence. You can still attend school events virtually, help with homework via video call, or participate in family discussions through group chats. Make it a point to be present, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
Talk to your children’s teachers and school administrators. Stay informed about their academic progress and extracurricular activities. Offer to help with school projects or volunteer for virtual events. This shows your children that you value their education and are invested in their success. Schedule regular “dates” with each of your children via video call. Let them choose the activity, whether it’s watching a movie together, playing a game, or just chatting. This one-on-one time will strengthen your bond and make them feel special.
If possible, try to visit your family regularly. Even short visits can make a big difference in your children’s lives. Plan fun activities that you can do together during your visit and create lasting memories. When you are away, ensure you’re sending balikbayan boxes regularly. These boxes are not just full of material goods, but symbols of love and connection.
Trust and Support: Empowering the Guardian
You’ve entrusted someone to care for your children in your absence, whether it’s your spouse, a family member, or a caregiver. Building a strong relationship with this person is crucial. Communicate openly and honestly about your parenting values and expectations. Empower them to make decisions in your absence and offer your support whenever possible.
Avoid undermining the guardian’s authority in front of the children. If you disagree with a decision, discuss it privately with the guardian. Work together as a team to provide your children with a consistent and supportive environment. Remember, the guardian is also facing challenges and needs your understanding and encouragement. Check in with them regularly and offer your assistance whenever possible.
Encourage the guardian to pursue their own interests and well-being. Caring for children can be exhausting, and it’s important for the guardian to have time for themselves. Offer to help find resources or support groups that can help them cope with the challenges of caregiving. Remember, a happy and supported guardian will be a better caregiver to your children.
Discipline and Values: Setting Clear Expectations
Maintaining consistent discipline and instilling strong values is important, even when you’re not physically present. Establish clear rules and expectations for your children. Make sure they understand the consequences of their actions and be consistent in enforcing those consequences. However, even from a distance, make sure to focus on positive reinforcement. Instead of only scolding them when they do something wrong, acknowledge and praise them when they do something right.
Work with the guardian to create a discipline strategy that aligns with your parenting values. Ensure that both you and the guardian are on the same page when it comes to discipline techniques and consequences. Teach your children about Filipino values, such as respect for elders, hard work, and family unity. Share stories about your own experiences and how these values have guided you in your life. Remember, children do as you do, not as you say. Be a good role model, even from afar. Demonstrate the values you want them to embrace in your own actions and words.
Financial Responsibilities: Communicating About Money
Being an OFW often means taking on significant financial responsibilities. It’s important to be open and honest with your children about your financial situation. Explain why you’re working abroad and how your earnings are contributing to the family’s well-being. This can help them understand your sacrifices and appreciate the opportunities they have.
Involve your children in age-appropriate financial decisions. For example, you can ask them for their input on how to spend a portion of your remittances. This can help them develop financial literacy and learn the value of money. Teach your children about saving and budgeting. Encourage them to set financial goals and help them create a plan to achieve those goals. Be a role model for responsible spending. Show your children how to make smart financial decisions and avoid unnecessary debt.
Planning for the Future: Reintegration and Beyond
Remember that your time as an OFW is not forever. Start planning for your return home well in advance. Think about your career goals, your family’s needs, and your financial situation. Begin saving for your retirement and explore opportunities for investment. This will help you create a secure future for yourself and your family.
Prepare your children for your return. Talk to them about your plans and help them adjust to the idea of you being home permanently. This will ease the transition and prevent any feelings of displacement or resentment. When you finally return home, be patient and understanding. It will take time for your family to adjust to the new dynamic. Focus on rebuilding relationships, establishing routines, and creating a happy and harmonious home. Seek guidance on reintegration programs offered by the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA). These programs provide assistance and resources to help OFWs successfully reintegrate into Philippine society.
Addressing Cultural Differences: Bridging the Gap
Living and working abroad can expose you to different cultures and values. It’s important to be mindful of these differences and how they might affect your children. Talk to your children about the cultural differences you’ve experienced and help them understand and appreciate different perspectives. Encourage them to embrace their Filipino heritage. Teach them about Filipino history, culture, and traditions. Encourage them to speak the Filipino language and connect with other Filipinos in their community.
Be open to learning from your children about their experiences. They may have different perspectives and insights based on their exposure to different cultures. Listen to their ideas and incorporate them into your parenting approach. Remember, you’re raising global citizens. Help them develop the skills and knowledge they need to thrive in an increasingly interconnected world. Encourage them to embrace diversity, respect different cultures, and become responsible global citizens.
Seeking Support: You’re Not Alone
Raising children from afar is challenging, and it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are many resources available to support OFWs and their families. Connect with other OFWs in your community or online. Share your experiences, offer advice, and provide emotional support. There are also organizations that offer support groups, counseling services, and other resources for OFWs and their families. These organizations can provide you with the support you need to cope with the challenges of being an OFW parent.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you’re struggling with the emotional toll of being an OFW parent, seek professional counseling. A therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and improve your communication skills. Remember to prioritize your own well-being. Taking care of yourself is essential to being a good parent. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Find time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and de-stress. Being a good parent starts with taking care of yourself.
FAQ Section
Q: How can I handle homesickness while being away from my children?
It’s normal to feel homesick. Schedule regular video calls with your family. Connect with other OFWs and share your experiences. Engage in activities you enjoy and that remind you of home, like cooking Filipino food or listening to Filipino music. Focus on the positives of your situation and remind yourself why you’re working abroad.
Q: My child is acting out since I left. What should I do?
Acting out can be a sign that your child is struggling with your absence. Try to have more frequent and meaningful conversations with them via video call. Validate their feelings and let them know you understand that it’s hard. Work with the guardian to establish clear rules and expectations. If the behavior persists, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
Q: How much communication is too much? I don’t want to overwhelm my child.
It’s important to find a balance. Too little communication can make your child feel neglected, but too much can be overwhelming. Let your child’s needs and preferences guide your communication. Observe their reactions during video calls and adjust accordingly. Don’t force them to talk if they’re not in the mood. Short, frequent check-ins can sometimes be more effective than long, infrequent calls.
Q: How can I deal with guilt about missing important events in my child’s life?
Guilt is a common emotion for OFW parents. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you’re working hard for your family’s future. Find ways to participate in important events virtually, such as watching a school play via video call. Create new traditions and celebrations that you can enjoy together when you visit home.
Q: What if my spouse and I disagree on parenting styles while I’m abroad?
Communication is key. Schedule regular conversations to discuss parenting concerns and strategies. Try to find common ground and compromise on issues where you disagree. Respect each other’s opinions and work together as a team to create a consistent and supportive environment for your children. Seek counseling if you’re unable to resolve your differences on your own.
Q: How do I prepare my kids for my return home after being away for so long?
Start talking about your return home well in advance. Discuss your plans with your children and help them adjust to the idea of you being home permanently. Be patient and understanding during the transition. Focus on rebuilding relationships and establishing routines. Spend quality time together and create lasting memories.
Q: What are some good online resources for OFW parents?
Several organizations offer resources and support for OFW parents. You can check the OWWA website, Philippine embassy websites, and online forums dedicated to OFW families. Search for parenting resources and support groups on social media platforms.
References List
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) Programs and Services
UNICEF Guide on Safe Internet Usage for Children
Journal of Family Psychology; Research on family dynamics and communication.
Bridging the distance isn’t easy, but it’s definitely achievable. By prioritizing communication, staying involved, and leveraging technology, you can maintain a strong and loving relationship with your children, even when you’re miles away. Don’t wait any longer! Start implementing these tips today and strengthen your bond with your children. Connect with them; show them you care and witness the positive impact in their lives and yours. You can do this!
