Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a big sacrifice, especially when it means being away from your children. While you’re working hard to provide for them, your absence can sometimes lead to feelings of sadness, worry, and loneliness (depression and anxiety) in your kids. This article will give you some ideas on how to protect your children from these feelings.
Understanding How OFW Parenting Affects Children
It’s important to realize that your absence, while necessary, can have a real impact on your children. They might miss you a lot, feel like they are missing out on important moments, or even feel abandoned, even though they know you’re working for them. These feelings are normal, but if they become too strong or last for a long time, they can turn into depression and anxiety. Studies show that children of OFWs are often at a higher risk of experiencing these mental health challenges. Knowing this is the first step to helping them.
Think about it from their perspective. Imagine a school play and you can’t be there to see them shine on stage. Or picture their birthday – a day meant for celebration – and you can only participate through a video call. While video calls are helpful, they can’t completely replace a hug or a shared moment in person. These missed moments add up and can lead to significant emotional distress. According to research published in the Philippine Journal of Social Development, children of OFWs often express feelings of sadness and isolation, particularly during holidays and special occasions when family bonding is emphasized.
Keeping the Lines of Communication Open: Talk, Talk, Talk!
Communication is truly key. It’s not just about calling to ask “How are you?”. It’s about having real, meaningful conversations. Make time, even if it’s just a few minutes each day, to really listen to what your children have to say. Ask them about their day, their worries, their dreams, and everything in between. Let them know you’re there for them, even from far away. Use video calls often, so they can see your face and hear your voice. Seeing your face can make a big difference in how they feel.
Don’t just talk at them, talk with them. When they share something, really listen and acknowledge their feelings. If they’re sad because they didn’t make the basketball team, don’t just say “Don’t worry, you’ll get it next time.” Say something like, “I can see how disappointed you are. It’s okay to feel sad. Tell me more about it.” Showing empathy makes them feel understood and supported, which is crucial for their emotional well-being. You can even set up a regular “family meeting” online, where everyone can share their thoughts and feelings openly. This can help create a sense of togetherness and connection, even when you’re physically apart.
Making Your Presence Felt, Even When You’re Away
Find ways to be present in their lives, even if you are miles away. Remember those missed school plays and birthdays? While you can’t physically be there, you can still be involved. Ask a relative or family friend to record the play for you, so you can watch it later with your child. Send a special gift or card for their birthday, and plan a fun activity together when you come home for a visit. Even small gestures can make a big difference. You can also stay connected through their school activities. Ask their teachers for updates and get involved in parent-teacher conferences via video call.
Consider creating a “memory box” or a “scrapbook” with pictures and mementos from your time together. Your children can look through it whenever they miss you. You can also send them postcards from the country you’re working in, telling them about your adventures and that you’re thinking of them. The goal is that they know you haven’t forgotten them and that you are thinking of them when building your future together. Also consider creating shared rituals like reading the same book together, with you reading a chapter and them reading another, before discussing it.
Empowering the Caregiver: Working as a Team
The person who is taking care of your children while you’re away plays a vital role. This could be your spouse, a grandparent, or another relative. It’s important to work together. Have regular conversations with the caregiver about your children’s well-being. Ask about their behavior, their moods, and any challenges they are facing. Make sure the caregiver understands your parenting style and values, and that they are consistent in enforcing rules and providing support. Also take note that the caregiver might also feel overwhelmed. Be understanding, supportive, and maybe even send little gifts or show gratitude for them, too.
Empowering the caregiver also means providing them with the resources they need to do their job well. This could include financial support, emotional support, and access to information about parenting and child development. Encourage them to attend parenting workshops or support groups, and to seek help from a trusted friend or family member when they need it. According to studies by organizations like the UNICEF, strong caregiver support is directly correlated with better emotional outcomes for children of migrant workers like OFWs.
Helping Children Build Resilience: Developing Coping Mechanisms
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences. It’s a valuable skill that can help children cope with the challenges of having a parent working abroad. Help your children develop coping mechanisms that they can use when they feel sad, anxious, or lonely. Encourage them to engage in activities that they enjoy, such as playing sports, reading, or spending time with friends. Teach them relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation. These techniques can help them calm their minds and bodies when they feel overwhelmed. Remember, coping mechanisms are personalized, so what works for one child might not work for another.
Talk to your children about their feelings and help them identify their triggers. What makes them feel sad or anxious and what helps them feel better? Encourage them to seek support from others, such as friends, teachers, or counselors. Let them know that it’s okay to ask for help and that they are not alone. Show them ways that they can express their feelings too, like through art, keeping a journal, or physical activities.
Spotting the Signs: Recognizing Depression and Anxiety
It’s important to be aware of the signs of depression and anxiety in children. These can include: persistent sadness or irritability, loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, feeling restless or agitated, physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches, and thoughts of death or suicide. If you notice any of these signs in your children, it’s important to seek professional help. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a doctor, therapist, or counselor. The sooner you get help, the better. Regular check-ups with a pediatrician or family doctor can help monitor overall well-being, including mental health.
Remember that these signs can sometimes be subtle and easily dismissed as “normal” teenage behavior. So, it’s important to pay close attention to your children’s overall demeanor. Consider getting help from the school guidance counselor. These professionals are trained to spot children’s issues including in their grades, social behavior, and emotional state. Communicate with them often to see if they have noticed anything out of the ordinary with your child. Many schools now offer mental health services, and can provide access to qualified psychologists if needed. Remember, early intervention is best!
Creating a Stable and Supportive Home Environment
A stable and supportive home environment is crucial for children’s emotional well-being, especially when they have a parent working abroad. Make sure your children have a safe, loving, and predictable environment. Establish clear rules and routines, and be consistent in enforcing them. This can help children feel secure and in control. Encourage family activities, such as playing games, watching movies, or going on outings together whenever possible. Celebrate birthdays and holidays in a special way, even if one parent isn’t there. Consider involving the OFW parent through video calls or recorded messages during these celebrations.
Avoid conflict and arguments in front of your children. If you and the caregiver are having disagreements, try to resolve them privately. Children can be very sensitive to conflict, and it can cause them a great deal of stress. Avoid adding other significant life changes on your kids’ while you are away too, like moving to a new house or changing schools, unless absolutely necessary. The added stress can be difficult for them to manage.
Leveraging Technology Wisely: Connecting Without Overdoing It
Technology can be a great way to stay connected with your children, but it’s important to use it wisely. While you can use video calls, messaging apps, and social media to communicate with your children, you also need to set boundaries. Don’t let technology replace face-to-face interactions. Schedule regular video calls, but also make sure your children have time for other activities, such as playing outside, spending time with friends, and doing homework. Encourage your children to use social media responsibly and to be aware of the risks of cyberbullying and online predators.
Also be mindful of the tone and content of your online interactions. Avoid sending angry or critical messages, as this can damage your relationship with your children. Instead, focus on creating a positive and supportive online environment. Remember that they are also constantly connected too, and so maybe avoid overwhelming them with too much contact. You also don’t want them to feel like they are obligated to answer you every time. Be conscious that they have their own lives too and constant reminders of your absence may cause more harm.
Planning for Your Return: The Homecoming
When you return home after working abroad, it’s important to have a plan for reintegrating back into your family life. Don’t expect things to be exactly the same as they were before you left. Your children may have changed, and your relationship with them may have evolved. Give your children time to adjust to your presence. Don’t try to force things or control them. Be patient, understanding, and loving. Spend quality time with each of your children, and listen to their concerns. If children had more freedom, make sure you don’t suddenly restrict them without proper consultation so as not to trigger any resentment.
It’s also important to address any underlying issues that may have arisen during your absence. If your children are struggling with depression or anxiety, seek professional help. Don’t try to ignore the problem or hope that it will go away on its own. Getting professional help is a sign of love and care for your kids.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Consult a Therapist
While this article has actionable tips, it’s crucial to acknowledge when professional help is needed. If you notice persistent changes and negative behaviors like extreme mood swings and problems with sleep, it might be time for expert help. You can seek help from trained therapists, counselors, social workers, or psychiatrists. For instance in the Philippines, the National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) has a Crisis Hotline (02-8982-6264) that offers 24/7 free support. The Department of Health (DOH) also has a Mental Health Program that provides information and resources on mental health services nationwide.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my child refuses to talk about their feelings? Encourage them to express themselves creatively through journaling, art, or music. It may often be easier to communicate that way.
My child gets angry when I’m leaving. How can I deal with that? Acknowledge their anger and sadness. Discuss your next video calls or visits. Show that you’ll still be there for them, it’s just that you have to leave physically.
How can I help my child make friends? Encourage their interests, and help them join groups or activities. Facilitate social gatherings at home to help them practice socializing with others.
What if my child is being bullied at school? It’s important to communicate with the school to have the bullying incident resolved with the proper actions taken. Stay positive and be supportive to your child.
Is it okay to bribe my child when I need to go back abroad? Bribery is never okay. This will cause future behavioral problems. Instead, be honest and compassionate.
Ready to Take Action?
You are not alone in this journey. Protecting your children’s mental health while working abroad is a challenge, but it’s absolutely achievable. By implementing these tips, seeking support when needed, and prioritizing communication, you can create a loving and stable environment for your children. Start today, make small changes, and see the positive impact it has on your family. Your love and support, even from a distance, can make all the difference in the world.
Remember, taking care of your children’s mental health is an investment in their future. By empowering them with the tools they need to cope with your absence, you are setting them up for success in life. Show them how much you love and support them through open communication, engagement, and constant understanding.
References
- Philippine Journal of Social Development (Please note, a specific study name or article title needs to be added here for a proper citation if this journal is used)
- UNICEF (Please note, a specific study name or report title needs to be added here for a proper citation if UNICEF data is used)
- National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotline.
- Department of Health (DOH) Mental Health Program.
