Bringing your family together after years of working abroad is a dream for many OFWs. But coming home doesn’t automatically guarantee a happy ever after. It takes work, communication, and understanding to keep your marriage strong during this big change. This article will give you practical tips and insights to navigate the challenges and strengthen your bond with your spouse after your return.
The Homecoming: A Time of Joy and Adjustment
Finally, you’re home! No more long-distance calls, no more saying goodbye at the airport. But even amidst the excitement, remember that adjusting to life together again after being apart for so long is a process. It’s like learning to dance with a partner you haven’t danced with in years; you might step on each other’s toes at first, but with patience and practice, you’ll find your rhythm.
Think about it: your spouse has been running the household, making major decisions, and managing everything without you for a long time. They’ve developed their own routines and habits. You, on the other hand, have your own set of experiences, perspectives, and expectations after living and working abroad. Reintegrating into the family dynamic requires open communication and a willingness to compromise.
Communication is Key: Talk It Out!
This might sound like a cliché, but it’s absolutely true. Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Talk to them openly and honestly about your expectations, concerns, and even your fears. Listen actively and try to understand their point of view. Maybe they’re worried about you adjusting to life back home, or concerned about how your return will affect their established routine. Sharing your feelings and listening to theirs can prevent misunderstandings and build a stronger connection. Instead of shutting down, actively acknowledge and validate each other’s feelings. For example, if your spouse says “I feel anxious about you being home all the time now,” you could respond with “I understand you’re feeling anxious. Let’s talk about how we can make this transition easier for both of us.”
Regular check-ins are crucial. Set aside time each day or week – maybe during dinner, before bed, or on a weekend outing – to talk about things beyond the daily grind. Discuss your dreams, goals, and aspirations as a couple. Share your worries and offer support. These check-ins can help you stay connected and address potential problems before they escalate.
Navigating Financial Matters
Money is often a major source of conflict in relationships, and this is especially true for OFWs returning home. Before you arrive, have a detailed discussion about your finances. How will your income be managed now that you’re back? Will you continue to send money to family members? How will you handle household expenses? Will your spouse continue to be financially responsible of paying the bills or will you two share the tasks?
Create a realistic budget together that reflects your current income and expenses. Be honest about your spending habits and identify areas where you can save money. Consider investing in a business or other income-generating ventures to secure your financial future. Several organizations, like the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, offer financial literacy programs specifically designed for OFWs. Taking advantage of these resources can help you make informed financial decisions and avoid common pitfalls.
It’s also important to discuss your debts and liabilities. How will you handle existing loans or obligations? Will you consolidate your debts or find ways to pay them off faster? Being transparent about your financial situation and working together to manage your finances can reduce stress and prevent arguments.
Dividing Household Chores: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
While you were away, your spouse likely took on the majority of household responsibilities. Now that you’re back, it’s important to share the load. Don’t assume that your spouse will continue to do everything. Talk about how you can divide household chores fairly and equitably. Consider both your individual skills and your availability. Maybe you’re good at cooking, while your spouse prefers doing laundry or managing the garden. Focus on creating a system that works for both of you.
Keep this in mind, offering to take on tasks without being asked can demonstrate your commitment to the relationship and your willingness to share the responsibilities of running a household. If you were away for a decade or longer, the role of men and women might have shifted in your shared community and you may need to adjust your mindset to accommodate this reality.
Avoid keeping score or comparing the amount of work each of you does. The goal is to create a harmonious and supportive household environment where everyone feels valued and appreciated.
Rekindling the Romance: Keeping the Spark Alive
Don’t get so caught up in the practicalities of life that you forget to nurture your relationship. Remind yourselves why you got married in the first place. Take time to reconnect as a couple and rekindle the romance. Go on dates, even if it’s just a simple walk in the park or a quiet evening at home. Surprise each other with small gestures of affection, like a love note, a thoughtful gift, or a spontaneous hug. A 2015 study from the National Institutes of Health suggests couples who engage in shared leisure activities report higher relationship satisfaction. Schedule date nights and try new activities together.
Physical intimacy is also an important part of a healthy marriage. Make time for intimacy and express your affection for each other. If you’ve been apart for a long time, it may take some time to adjust to being physically intimate again. Be patient and understanding, and communicate openly about your needs and desires. Talk about how both of you have changed physically and discuss your current preferences in terms of intimacy and romance.
Dealing with Extended Family
Family dynamics can be complex in Filipino culture, and your return home may bring new challenges in dealing with extended family members. There might be expectations or pressure from relatives regarding financial support, living arrangements, or other issues. Set clear boundaries with your family members and communicate your limitations respectfully but firmly. It’s important to protect your marriage and prioritize your immediate family’s needs. However, that doesn’t mean leaving you neglecting them and leaving them to support themselves entirely. If they used to rely on you before, adjust the financial support gradually as they seek for ways to become financially independent.
Discuss these matters with your spouse beforehand so you can present a united front. Decide together how you will handle requests for financial assistance, how often you will visit family members, and what boundaries you will set in terms of privacy and personal space. Supporting your side of the extended family is one thing, but supporting both sides of the extended family might become a larger financial burden than you can handle. Make sure you both agree on the financial obligations.
Addressing the Impact on Children
Your children have also been affected by your absence. They may have developed a different relationship with your spouse, and they may have mixed feelings about your return. Some children might be happy and excited, while others might feel confused, resentful, or anxious. Be patient and understanding, and give them time to adjust. Spending quality time with your children, listening to their concerns, and showing them your love and affection can help rebuild your bond.
If your children are teenagers, they may have their own established routines and social circles. Respect their independence and give them space to pursue their own interests. Don’t try to force yourself into their lives all at once. Instead, gradually build a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.
Sometimes, seeking the guidance of a family counselor can be helpful, especially if there are significant challenges in reintegrating the family. A therapist can provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and develop strategies for managing conflict.
Managing Expectations and Accepting Change
It’s crucial to have realistic expectations about life back in the Philippines. The country may have changed since you left, and you may need time to adjust to the new environment. Don’t expect everything to be the same as it was before. Be open to new experiences and embrace the changes.
Accept that both you and your spouse have changed during your time apart. You may have developed different interests, perspectives, or priorities. Be willing to learn about each other and adapt to these changes. The person you married years ago may be different from the person they are now, and that’s okay. The focus should be on building a new relationship based on your current selves.
Establishing New Networks and Finding Purpose
Leaving your job abroad might mean that you need to establish a new network of friends and acquaintances in the Philippines. Join community organizations, participate in social activities, or pursue hobbies that you enjoy. Building new connections can help you feel more integrated and supported.
Having a sense of purpose outside of your family can also contribute to your overall well-being and strengthen your marriage. Find a way to contribute to your community, whether it’s through volunteering, starting a business, or pursuing a passion project. When you feel fulfilled and engaged in life, you’ll have more to offer your spouse and your family.
Seek Professional Help If Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may encounter challenges that are difficult to overcome on your own. If you’re struggling with communication, conflict resolution, or other marital issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A marriage counselor or therapist can provide guidance and support to help you navigate these challenges and strengthen your relationship.
Numerous resources are available to support OFWs and their families. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) offers counseling services, financial assistance, and other programs to help OFWs reintegrate into Philippine society. Take advantage of these resources to get the support you need.
Remember, building a strong and lasting marriage after working abroad takes time, effort, and commitment. Be patient with each other, communicate openly, and never stop working to nurture your relationship. With love, understanding, and perseverance, you can create a happy and fulfilling life together back home.
FAQ Section
What should I do if my spouse and I constantly argue after my return?
Constant arguments are a sign that there’s underlying unresolved conflict. First, try to identify the root causes of the arguments. Are you disagreeing about finances, household chores, or parenting styles? Once you’ve identified the issues, try to address them directly and respectfully. Practice active listening by summarizing what you hear your spouse saying to ensure you understand their perspective. If the arguments persist, consider seeking professional help from a counselor who specializes in marital issues. They can provide tools and strategies to improve communication and resolve conflict effectively.
How can I deal with the feeling that my spouse and I have grown apart during my time abroad?
It’s common to feel distant after being apart for a long time. The first step is to acknowledge these feelings to yourself and your spouse. Plan quality time together regularly. Engage in activities you both enjoy, whether it’s going on dates, pursuing hobbies, or simply having meaningful conversations. Focus on getting to know each other again. Share your experiences from your time abroad and ask about their life at home. Be patient and understanding, and remember that rebuilding intimacy takes time. Consider couple’s therapy to foster understanding and rebuild that relationship.
How can I manage pressure from my extended family for financial assistance after my return?
This is a sensitive issue that requires clear communication and boundary setting. First, discuss your financial situation with your spouse and agree on a realistic budget for supporting your extended family. Be transparent about your limitations and explain that while you want to help, you also need to prioritize your immediate family’s financial security. Communicate your boundaries respectfully but firmly to your family members. You can offer assistance in other ways, such as helping them find livelihood opportunities or connecting them with resources that can help them become self-sufficient. A good strategy is to suggest that you can assist, provided that they create a detailed financial plan and have a purpose for the funding, like a startup business.
What if my children are having difficulty adjusting to my return?
Children often experience mixed emotions when a parent returns after a long absence. Some children may be ecstatic, while others may feel resentful, confused, or anxious. It’s important to be patient and understanding. Give your children time to adjust and create opportunities for them to bond with you. Spend quality time together engaging in activities they enjoy. Listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. If your children are struggling significantly, consider seeking professional help from a child psychologist or family therapist. They can provide guidance and support to help your children process their emotions and adjust to the new family dynamic.
How can I adjust to living in the Philippines again after being away for so long?
Readjusting to life back in the Philippines can be challenging, especially if you’ve been away for many years. The first step is to be patient with yourself. Things may have changed significantly since you left, and it may take time to get used to the new environment. Stay open-minded and embrace new experiences. Try revisiting places you used to enjoy, explore new attractions, and reconnect with old friends. Build new connections by joining local organizations or pursuing hobbies. Stay informed about current events and developments in the Philippines. Remember to practice self-care and prioritize your well-being during this transition. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling with feelings of isolation or depression, seek support from a mental health professional.
What if I find it hard to find a job in the Philippines after working abroad?
The job market can be competitive. Start by updating your resume and highlighting the skills and experiences you gained while working abroad. Consider taking courses or workshops to upgrade your skills and qualifications. Network with people in your industry or field of interest. Attend job fairs, career workshops, and industry events. Be open to different types of employment, including part-time, freelance, or entrepreneurial opportunities. Consider starting your own business if you have the resources and desire. Don’t get discouraged by rejections. Keep applying and networking, and eventually, you’ll find the right opportunity.
My spouse and I have different expectations about how I’ll spend my time now that I’m back home. How do we resolve this?
Differing expectations are common. Have an open honest conversation. Discuss each other’s expectations and try to understand the driving force behind them. Are they worried about you being idle at home? Are you worried about maintaining your career? Discuss the time you plan to spend on family responsibilities, personal hobbies, or professional development. You might explore compromising, taking turns, or finding areas where both of you are willing to adjust. If you have drastically different opinions, seek a professional marriage counselor.
References
- Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP). OFW Primer.
- National Institutes of Health (NIH). (2015). Shared Leisure and Relationship Satisfaction.
- Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA). Official Website.
Are you ready to make your homecoming a successful chapter in your marriage? Don’t let the challenges overwhelm you. Take action now! Start by setting aside time this week for an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Discuss your expectations, address your concerns, and reaffirm your commitment to each other. Remember, communication is key. If you’re facing difficulties, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. With effort and understanding, you can build a stronger, more fulfilling marriage and create a happy home for your family.
