Being married to an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) comes with its own set of unique challenges and rewards. It means becoming more independent, managing the household alone, and keeping the love alive despite the distance. This article is all about helping OFW wives and husbands navigate this journey, strengthen their marriage, and embrace their newfound independence.
Understanding the OFW Life – It’s Not Just About the Money
Let’s be honest, the main reason many Filipinos work abroad is for better financial opportunities. Sending money home is a big part of being an OFW. But it’s so much more than that. Your spouse might be experiencing loneliness, culture shock, and immense pressure to succeed. They’re working hard, often in difficult conditions, to provide for the family back home. Understanding this pressure is the first step to supporting them effectively.
It’s also important to remember that being an OFW is not always glamorous. Sometimes, friends and family back home might have unrealistic expectations, thinking OFWs are rolling in money. This can create tension and misunderstandings. Open communication about finances and the realities of their work life is key to managing these expectations. Talk about how much money is coming in, where it’s going, and what the financial goals are. The Philippine Statistics Authority provides data on OFW remittances which may provide factual data for such discussion.
Embracing Independence: You’re Stronger Than You Think
One of the biggest changes when your spouse becomes an OFW is the sudden increase in independence. For wives, this might mean becoming the sole decision-maker for the household, managing finances, and raising the children alone. For husbands, it can mean taking on responsibilities related to childcare, home management, and emotional support that were previously shared or primarily handled by their wives. Embrace this challenge! You’ll discover a strength and resilience you never knew you had.
Take ownership of your role. Don’t wait for your spouse to tell you what to do. Learn how to fix that leaky faucet (YouTube is your friend!), manage the monthly budget, and deal with school issues. The more you take charge, the more confident and independent you’ll become.
Find your own support system. Lean on family, friends, or support groups. Talking to people who understand what you’re going through can make a huge difference. There are numerous online communities for OFW spouses where you can share experiences, ask for advice, and offer encouragement. These communities can be found on Facebook or through specific OFW support websites.
Communication is Key: Keeping the Spark Alive From Miles Away
In any marriage, communication is vital. But when you’re separated by distance, it becomes even more critical. Make time for regular video calls, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Seeing each other’s faces can do wonders for keeping the connection strong. It allows you to see facial expressions and read body language, which you miss when just using text or audio. Explore services that focus more on audio quality rather than video if the internet connection becomes an issue.
Be intentional about your conversations. Don’t just talk about the weather or what you had for lunch. Share your thoughts, feelings, and dreams. Talk about your goals for the future, both individually and as a couple. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Talk about your fears, insecurities and anything that really is concerning you.
Surprise each other. Send a care package, write a handwritten letter, or even schedule a surprise online date. These small gestures can show your spouse that you’re thinking of them and that you care. Explore online delivery services in their location and treat them to a simple meal to make them feel remembered. Keep in mind to tailor whatever surprise you have in mind that suits the personality of your ofw spouse.
Managing Finances Together: Building a Secure Future
Money is often a source of stress in any relationship, and it’s even more so when one partner is working abroad. It’s crucial to have a clear and agreed-upon plan for how the money will be managed. Be transparent about your spending habits and work together to create a budget that meets your needs and goals.
Have a joint account. A joint account can help you track income and expenses, and it promotes transparency and accountability. Decide together how the money will be used – for bills, savings, investments, and personal spending.
Invest wisely. Don’t let all the money sit in a savings account. Explore investment options that can help you grow your wealth over time. Consult with a financial advisor to determine the best options for your situation. The Philippine government helps OFW to secure their earnings by offering financial literacy programs and tools. Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas actively campaigns for financial education for OFWs.
Dealing with Loneliness and Homesickness
Loneliness and homesickness are common emotions for both OFWs and their spouses. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways to cope with them.
Stay busy. Fill your time with activities you enjoy, whether it’s hobbies, volunteering, or spending time with friends and family. The more active you are, the less time you’ll have to dwell on feelings of loneliness. Remember to do something that suits your skills and enjoyments.
Connect with your community. Join a local organization or club, or get involved in your church. Building connections with people in your community can provide a sense of belonging and support. Joining activities may also provide more chances to learn new skillsets and widen the horizon.
Talk to a therapist. If you’re struggling to cope with loneliness or other emotional issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your feelings and improve your mental well-being. There are therapists that offers specialization for OFW’s either working abroad or their families back home.
Building Trust and Addressing Jealousy
Distance can sometimes fuel insecurity and jealousy. It’s important to build a foundation of trust and address these emotions head-on.
Communicate openly and honestly. If you’re feeling insecure or jealous, talk to your spouse about it. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Discuss your concerns calmly and rationally, and listen to what your spouse has to say.
Avoid assumptions. Don’t jump to conclusions based on incomplete information. If you’re worried about something, ask your spouse directly. Trust their words and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Focus on the positive. Instead of dwelling on your fears, focus on the good things in your relationship. Remember why you love your spouse and appreciate the sacrifices they are making for your family. Try listing the positive trait of your ofw spouse that you admire and create some positive affirmations.
Planning for the Future: Reunion and Retirement
Always have a plan for the future, including when your spouse will come home for good. This gives you something to look forward to and motivates you to work together towards a common goal.
Set a timeline. Discuss when your spouse plans to retire and return home permanently. This will allow you to plan your finances and make arrangements for their return.
Prepare for the adjustment. When your spouse finally comes home, it will take time to adjust to living together again. Be patient with each other and communicate openly about your expectations and needs. This transition for any couples is not seamless, and must be given focus to make the adjustment lighter.
Reignite the romance. Make time for each other and rekindle the spark in your relationship. Go on dates, try new things together, and focus on building a deeper connection. Explore activities and events that you are both interested in and find ways to discover new hobbies as a couple.
Making the Most of Visits
Visits from your OFW spouse is something to really look forward to. Make the most out of it. This is a time to reconnect, spend quality time together as a family, and address any pressing issues.
Plan ahead. Discuss how you want to spend their time home. Do you want to travel? Undertake home repairs? Schedule social activities? Having a plan helps avoid wasting precious time on deciding once they’re home.
Don’t make it all about chores. While it’s tempting to load them with responsibilities and things to fix, remember they’re also here to relax and enjoy their time with you.
Be present. Put away your phones and be fully present during conversations and activities. Really listen and engage with them. It’s tempting to share every detail of what happened during their absence, but prioritize quality over quantity.
Technology As Your Ally
Leverage technology beyond just video calls. There are numerous apps, games, and online platforms that can help you stay connected and engaged.
Play online games together. Choose games that you both enjoy and set aside time to play together regularly. It’s a fun way to stay connected and have a shared activity. Explore multiplayer apps that you can both download on your mobile devices.
Watch movies or TV shows together. Use apps that allow you to watch content simultaneously and chat while you watch. You can even order the same food online to create a shared experience, even if you are miles apart.
Use a shared calendar. Keep each other updated on your schedules and important events. Consider using shared digital calendars so that you are both updated with the schedules of each other.
Taking Care of Yourself is Not Selfish
In the midst of managing everything, it’s easy to neglect your own well-being. Remember that taking care of yourself is essential to your overall happiness and ability to maintain a strong marriage.
Prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that help you relax and recharge, whether it’s reading, exercising, or spending time in nature.
Eat healthy and get enough sleep. These basic habits have a huge impact on your physical and mental health.
Seek support when needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, or professionals. Remember, you don’t have to do everything alone.
Rebuilding Relationships With Your Children
Children of OFWs need special attention. They can sometimes feel resentful towards the absent parent or overwhelmed by the responsibilities placed on them.
Encourage open communication. Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings and concerns. Assure them that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Make sure that they are free to express themselves without the adults judging what they are feeling.
Schedule individual quality time. Make sure each child gets individual attention from you. This could be something as simple reading a book, playing a game, or having a conversation.
Help them understand the OFW’s sacrifices. In age-appropriate terms, explain why their parent is working abroad and how their hard work benefits the family.
Celebrating Milestones Together, From Afar
Missing important events like birthdays, graduations, and anniversaries can be especially hard on both OFWs and their families.
Plan virtual parties. Use video conferencing to include your OFW spouse in celebrations. Set up decorations, play music, and involve them in the activities.
Create memory albums. Compile photos and videos of special moments and share them with your spouse. Create a shared electronic album and dedicate effort to maintain this regularly.
Record video messages. Have family members record special messages for your spouse to watch on their birthday or anniversary. Prepare a playlist of messages that is dedicated for occasions.
Remember, Love Knows No Distance
Being an OFW spouse is a unique and challenging journey, but it’s also an opportunity to grow stronger as an individual and as a couple. By embracing independence, communicating openly, managing finances wisely, and prioritizing your well-being, you can navigate the challenges of distance and build a lasting, fulfilling marriage. It needs patience, understanding and lots of communication.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I deal with my spouse’s work stress from so far away?
Listen actively and empathetically when your spouse shares their work-related stress. Acknowledge their feelings and offer words of encouragement. Help them brainstorm solutions to their problems, but avoid being overly critical or judgmental. Suggest relaxation techniques, such as listening to music or practicing mindfulness, and encourage them to take breaks during their workday.
What if I feel like my spouse is prioritizing work over our relationship?
Address this concern calmly and respectfully. Explain how their actions are making you feel and emphasize the importance of maintaining a balance between work and family life. Suggest specific ways they can show you they care, such as scheduling regular date nights or sending thoughtful messages.
How often should we try to communicate?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. The ideal frequency of communication depends on your individual needs and preferences as a couple. However, most experts recommend communicating at least once a day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. More frequent communication can help you stay connected and address any issues that arise.
What are some good ways to keep the romance alive?
There are many ways to keep the romance alive despite the distance. Send each other love letters or care packages, plan virtual date nights, and surprise each other with thoughtful gifts. Reminisce about your favorite memories together and talk about your dreams for the future. More importantly, show your appreciation for each other and express your love frequently.
How can I prepare myself and my family for when my spouse finally returns home permanently?
Start by having open and honest conversations about your expectations and concerns. Discuss how you will share responsibilities and make decisions as a family. Begin gradually integrating your spouse back into your daily routines, such as involving them in meal planning or carpooling. Be patient and understanding as everyone adjusts to the new normal. Consider seeking professional help if you are struggling to cope with the transition.
How do I handle feeling guilty about the sacrifices my spouse is making?
Acknowledge your feelings of guilt and remind yourself that your spouse made the decision to work abroad to benefit the entire family. Show your appreciation for their sacrifices through your words and actions. Support their goals and dreams and encourage them to pursue their passions. Most importantly, be a loving and supportive partner both from afar and when they return home.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (n.d.).
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas. (n.d.). OFW Financial Literacy Program.
It’s not always easy being an OFW wife or husband, but it’s definitely worth it. You are the backbone of your family, and through your love, dedication, and strength, you can overcome any challenge that comes your way. Start implementing these tips today and see the positive impact it has on your marriage and your life.
