Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) and a parent is tough. You’re working hard abroad to provide a better future for your kids, but being away can be really hard on them (and you!). Building resilient children who can handle the challenges of growing up without a parent physically present is key. This guide is all about giving you practical tips and insights to help you do just that.
Understanding Resilience in the Context of OFW Families
Resilience isn’t about never facing problems; it’s about how you bounce back from them. For kids of OFWs, resilience means coping with separation anxiety, feelings of abandonment, and the pressure to succeed to make their parents’ sacrifices worthwhile. It’s about developing inner strength, problem-solving skills, and a strong sense of self, even when things get tough. According to studies, children with strong family bonds demonstrate greater emotional resilience. Think of it as building a strong emotional immune system for your child.
The Foundation: Open and Honest Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and that’s especially true when you’re miles away. Don’t just ask, “How are you?” Dig deeper. Ask about their day, their friends, their worries, and their dreams. Make time for regular video calls – not just quick chats, but real conversations where you’re truly present. Schedule these calls in advance so your child knows when to expect you. For younger children, virtual story time or playing online games together can be a great way to connect. For teenagers, be available to listen without judgment when they need to vent. Remember, it’s not about solving all their problems, but about being there to listen and offer support. One tip is to create a shared online journal or photo album where you can exchange messages and pictures, creating a visual record of your lives, both separate and together.
Building a Strong Support System at Home
You can’t be there physically, so it’s crucial to ensure your child has a strong support system at home. This includes your spouse (if applicable), grandparents, aunts, uncles, or trusted family friends. Talk to these individuals and explain the importance of their role in your child’s life. Ask them to be actively involved in your child’s activities, attend school events, and provide emotional support. Consider appointing a “guardian” or a mentor figure who can step in and provide guidance when your child needs it. This could be a family friend, a teacher, or a respected member of your community. Make sure your child knows they can turn to this person for advice and support. Regularly check in with these support figures to get updates on your child’s well-being and to coordinate your efforts.
Empowering Your Child: Fostering Independence
When you’re not around, your child needs to learn to be more independent. This doesn’t mean leaving them to fend for themselves; it means gradually giving them more responsibility and encouraging them to make their own decisions (within appropriate boundaries, of course!). Start with small tasks like packing their own lunch or doing chores around the house. As they get older, you can give them more significant responsibilities like managing their schoolwork or handling small financial matters. The goal is to equip them with the skills and confidence to handle challenges on their own. Teach them problem-solving strategies. Instead of immediately providing solutions, ask them questions like: “What options do you have?” or “What have you tried already?” This encourages them to think critically and find their own solutions. According to studies, encouraging independence fosters greater self-esteem among children. Praise their efforts and accomplishments, even if they make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth.
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Children with high emotional intelligence are better able to cope with stress, build strong relationships, and succeed in life. Help your child identify and name their emotions. Ask them how they’re feeling and encourage them to talk about their feelings openly. Teach them healthy ways to express their emotions, such as through writing, drawing, or physical activity. Role-playing different scenarios can also be helpful. For example, you can practice how to handle a conflict with a friend or how to deal with disappointment. You can find resources online that offer age-appropriate activities for developing emotional intelligence like on the Understood.org website.
Managing Guilt as an OFW Parent
Guilt is a common emotion for OFW parents. You might feel guilty about missing important milestones, not being there for your child’s everyday needs, or exposing them to the challenges of growing up without a parent. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, but don’t let them consume you. Remind yourself why you made the decision to work abroad: you’re doing it for your child’s future. Focus on the quality of your interactions with your child, rather than the quantity. When you are together, be fully present and engaged. Don’t spend that time worrying, but enjoying quality time with them. Seek support from other OFW parents who understand what you’re going through. There are many online communities and support groups where you can share your experiences and get advice. Schedule time for self-care so you can recharge and be the best parent you can be, even from afar.
The Power of Rituals and Routines
Even when you’re physically absent, rituals and routines can provide a sense of stability and connection for your child. Establish regular routines for meals, bedtime, and homework. These routines provide structure and predictability, which can be especially important when dealing with change and uncertainty. Create rituals that connect you to your child. This could be reading a bedtime story over video call, singing a special song together, or exchanging letters or small gifts. These rituals create a sense of connection and remind your child that you’re thinking of them. Consider creating a countdown calendar together leading up to your return. This gives your child something to look forward to and provides a visual representation of the time you’ll be apart. According to researchers, predictable routines contribute significantly to a child’s sense of security and well-being.
Addressing Financial Issues Openly (Age-Appropriately)
Children are often aware of the financial sacrifices their OFW parents make. It’s important to address these issues openly and honestly, in an age-appropriate manner. Explain to your child why you’re working abroad and how the money you earn is being used to support the family. Avoid burdening them with adult financial worries, but encourage them to be mindful of spending and to appreciate the things they have. One practical way is to involve them to some extent in budgeting. For example, they can help look for deals or track small expenses. This teaches them financial responsibility and makes them feel like part of the solution. Teach them the value of hard work and saving. Encourage them to earn their own money through chores or part-time jobs (if age-appropriate). This helps them develop a strong work ethic and appreciate the value of money.
Managing Expectations and Avoiding Overcompensation
It’s natural to want to shower your child with gifts and attention when you come home, but it’s important to avoid overcompensating for your absence. Overindulgence can lead to spoiled behavior and unrealistic expectations. Instead of material things, focus on spending quality time with your child and creating meaningful experiences together. Set clear boundaries and expectations for your child’s behavior. Consistency is key, even when you’re tired or feeling guilty. Make sure your support system at home is also on board with your disciplinary approach. Overcompensation can hinder a child’s resilience, according to child psychology research. Teach them about delayed gratification. Instead of giving them everything they want immediately, encourage them to save up for it. This teaches them patience and the value of hard work.
The Importance of Education (Beyond Academics)
While academic success is important, education encompasses much more than just grades. Encourage your child to pursue their passions and develop their talents. Support their involvement in extracurricular activities, sports, and hobbies. These activities provide opportunities for them to learn new skills, build confidence, and make friends. Teach them important life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and basic home repairs. These skills will empower them to be more independent and self-sufficient. Foster a love of learning by encouraging them to read, explore new interests, and ask questions. Visit museums, attend cultural events, and engage in meaningful conversations. According to a study by the UNICEF Philippines, holistic development, including education, family, and community support are essential for children’s resilience.
Preparing for Your Return (and Re-Entry)
Your return home is a momentous occasion, but it can also be a challenging transition for everyone involved. Talk to your child about your return in advance and discuss what they can expect. Manage their expectations and avoid making unrealistic promises. Be prepared for a period of adjustment as you and your child get reacquainted. Be patient and understanding, and allow them time to adjust to your presence. Re-establish your role as a parent. Don’t try to be their friend first; focus on providing guidance, support, and discipline. Gradually ease back into family routines. Don’t try to change everything at once. Be mindful of your spouse’s feelings. Your return can also be a challenging transition for them. Communicate openly and honestly about your expectations and needs. Prioritize quality time with your family and make the most of your time together.
Seeking Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may struggle to cope with the challenges of being separated from a parent. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide support and guidance to both you and your child during this difficult time. There are many mental health resources available, including online therapy and support groups. A professional can help identify underlying issues and develop coping strategies tailored to your child’s needs. It is important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Early intervention can prevent more serious problems from developing. The Department of Social Welfare and Development provides resources and counseling services that may be helpful.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about raising resilient children as an OFW parent:
How can I stay connected with my child when I’m working abroad?
Stay connected with your child through regular video calls, messaging, and shared online activities. Schedule dedicated time for conversations and be present during those interactions. Use technology to your advantage by sharing photos, videos, and messages regularly. Consider creating a shared online journal or photo album to document your experiences together.
My child is angry and resentful towards me for leaving. How can I deal with this?
Acknowledge your child’s feelings and validate their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry and resentful. Listen without judgment and try to understand their perspective. Avoid becoming defensive or dismissive of their feelings. Spend quality time with them and show them that you care. Seek professional help if the anger and resentment persist.
How can I ensure my child is safe and well-cared for in my absence?
Establish a strong support system at home with trusted family members or friends who can provide supervision and guidance. Appoint a guardian or mentor figure who can step in and provide support when needed. Maintain regular communication with your child and their caregivers to monitor their well-being. Ensure that your child has access to necessary resources, such as healthcare and education.
My child is struggling in school because of my absence. What can I do?
Connect with your child’s teachers and school administrators to discuss their academic progress and any challenges they may be facing. Provide support and encouragement for their studies. Help them establish a study routine and create a conducive learning environment. Consider hiring a tutor or enrolling them in after-school programs. Make sure your child feels supported and knows that you value their education.
How can I prevent my child from feeling abandoned or neglected?
Assure your child that your absence is not a reflection of your love for them. Explain why you are working abroad and how it benefits the family. Maintain regular communication and make an effort to be present in their lives, even from afar. Create rituals and traditions that connect you to your child. Express your love and affection through words and actions.
References
UNICEF Philippines. (2020). Situation Analysis of Children in the Philippines.
Call to Action
You’ve got this, OFW parent! Raising resilient children from afar is definitely possible. By implementing these strategies, communicating openly, and maintaining a strong support system, you can help your children develop the strength and skills they need to thrive, even in your absence. Don’t try to be perfect; just strive to be present, supportive, and loving. Start today! Pick one or two tips from this guide and put them into action. Schedule that extra video call, write that letter, or simply have a heartfelt conversation with your child. Small steps can make a big difference. Remember, your love and dedication are the most powerful tools you have.
