Growing up with a parent working overseas, as many Filipino children do with Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs), can have a big impact on their emotional and mental well-being. It’s not always easy, and it’s important to understand the challenges and how to navigate them for a healthier upbringing. Let’s dive into what the experts say.
Understanding the OFW Phenomenon
The Philippines has a significant number of citizens working abroad. These are the OFWs, and their remittances are a crucial part of the Philippine economy. But behind the economic benefits, there’s a human story – a story of families separated and children growing up without a parent physically present. The Philippine Statistics Authority reported that there were 1.96 million OFWs in 2022. That’s a lot of families experiencing separation.
The Emotional Rollercoaster: Feelings of Abandonment and Loss
One of the most common feelings children of OFWs experience is a sense of abandonment. Even though they know their parent is working hard to provide for them, the absence can feel like a rejection. This feeling might be stronger in younger children who don’t fully grasp the concept of overseas work. It’s like they’re constantly wondering, “Why aren’t they here with me?”
This feeling of abandonment can translate into feelings of loss and grief. They miss the daily interactions, the bedtime stories, the comforting hugs – all the regular things that make up a parent-child relationship. Imagine a child constantly seeing other kids with their parents and feeling a pang of sadness because theirs is far away.
Increased Responsibility and the “Older Child” Syndrome
Often, when a parent leaves, the older children in the family take on more responsibilities. They become like mini-adults, helping with chores, taking care of younger siblings, and even acting as a confidant for the remaining parent. While responsibility is good, too much too soon can be overwhelming. They might feel pressured to be strong and not burden their remaining parent, burying their own feelings in the process.
This can lead to what’s sometimes called the “Older Child” syndrome. They grow up too fast, missing out on their childhood. They might become overly responsible and anxious, constantly worrying about everyone else. They might have difficulties with their peer relationships because they are more used to taking a parenting role.
Impact on Academic Performance
The emotional stress of having a parent working abroad can affect a child’s performance in school. They might struggle to concentrate, be less motivated, or even develop behavioral problems. A study on the impact of parental migration on children’s educational outcomes reported that students whose mother are OFW scored lower on standardized test. It’s hard to focus on algebra when you’re worried about your mom’s health or if your dad is feeling lonely.
Also, the remaining parent might be too busy to provide the necessary support for their children’s education. Think of a single mom juggling two jobs while trying to help her kids with homework. It’s a tough situation, and the child’s academic performance can suffer as a result.
The Risk of Behavioral Issues
The absence of a parent can also lead to behavioral problems in children. They might act out to get attention or express their frustration and sadness. Some children might become withdrawn and isolated, while others might become rebellious and defiant. It’s important to recognize that these behaviors are often a cry for help.
For example, a child who suddenly starts skipping school or getting into fights might be struggling to cope with their parent’s absence. They might not know how to express their feelings in a healthy way, so they resort to negative behaviors.
The Importance of Communication and Connection
One of the most important things that families can do to mitigate the negative effects of parental migration is to maintain open and frequent communication. Thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to stay connected, even when miles apart. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media can help bridge the distance and keep families connected.
Encourage regular conversations, not just about practical matters but also about feelings and emotions. The OFW parent should make an effort to be involved in the child’s life, even from afar. Asking about their day, offering encouragement, and celebrating their achievements can make a big difference.
Strengthening the Role of the Remaining Parent
The remaining parent plays a crucial role in supporting the children and maintaining stability in the family. They need to be both a mother and a father (or both mothers) fulfilling both roles, providing love, guidance, and support. This can be incredibly challenging, but it’s essential for the children’s well-being.
It’s important for the remaining parent to take care of their own emotional and mental health as well. They can’t pour from an empty cup. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help them cope with the stress and challenges of being a single parent. Remember, a happy and healthy parent is better equipped to care for their children.
Building a Strong Support System
A strong support system can make a huge difference in the lives of children of OFWs. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family friends can provide additional love, care, and support. Involving them in the child’s life can help fill the void left by the absent parent.
Schools and communities can also play a role in providing support. Teachers, counselors, and community leaders can offer guidance and resources to families dealing with parental migration. Support groups for children of OFWs can also be helpful, providing a safe space for them to share their experiences and connect with others who understand what they’re going through.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, the emotional and psychological effects of parental migration can be too much for families to handle on their own, and in this case it is best to seek professional help. If a child is exhibiting severe symptoms of depression, anxiety, or behavioral problems, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor.
Therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for children to process their emotions, develop coping skills, and build resilience. It can also help families improve communication and strengthen their relationships.
Long-term Effects: Resilience and Independence
While growing up with an OFW parent can be challenging, it can also lead to positive outcomes. Many children of OFWs develop resilience, independence, and a strong sense of resourcefulness. They learn to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, and take care of themselves.
These qualities can serve them well in life, helping them succeed in school, work, and relationships. It’s important to recognize and celebrate the strengths and achievements of children of OFWs. If you would like to read more how resilience works, APA has more information regarding this.
Addressing the Stigma
There can sometimes be a stigma associated with being a child of an OFW. Some people might assume that they are spoiled or neglected, but this is often far from the truth. It’s important to challenge these stereotypes and recognize the unique challenges and strengths of children of OFWs.
Openly discussing the realities of OFW life can help raise awareness and promote understanding. Sharing stories and experiences can help break down stereotypes and create a more supportive community for families dealing with parental migration.
Practical Tips for OFW Parents
Here are some practical tips for OFW parents to stay connected with their children:
Schedule regular video calls: Make it a routine to have video calls with your children at least once a week, or even more often if possible.
Send letters and care packages: A handwritten letter or a thoughtfully curated care package can go a long way in showing your love and care.
Be involved in their school activities: Attend school events virtually, help with homework online, and stay in touch with their teachers.
Plan visits and holidays together: Make an effort to visit your children as often as possible and plan special holidays together to create lasting memories.
Listen actively and offer support: When you talk to your children, listen actively to what they have to say and offer your support and encouragement.
Practical Tips for Remaining Parents
Here are some practical tips for remaining parents to help their children cope with the absence of the OFW parent:
Create a stable and loving environment: Provide a consistent routine, offer plenty of love and affection, and make sure your child feels safe and secure.
Encourage open communication: Talk to your child about their feelings and encourage them to express their emotions in a healthy way.
Seek support from family and friends: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your support system.
Take care of your own well-being: Make sure you’re taking care of your physical and mental health so you can be there for your child.
Organize a lot of activities: This will lessen the child’s urge to miss the estranged parent by keeping his or her thoughts occupied, such as a short jog, or signing them up for after school activities.
The Role of Technology in Bridging the Distance
Technology has revolutionized the way OFWs stay connected with their families. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media have made it easier than ever to bridge the distance and maintain close relationships.
However, it’s important to use technology wisely and be mindful of its impact on family dynamics. Setting boundaries and limiting screen time can help prevent technology from becoming a distraction or a source of conflict. Remember, the goal is to use technology to enhance communication and connection, not to replace face-to-face interactions.
The Filipino Cultural Context
Understanding the Filipino cultural context is crucial when discussing the impact of OFW parenting. Filipinos are known for their strong family ties and their emphasis on collective well-being. The concept of “bayanihan” – working together for the common good – is deeply ingrained in Filipino culture.
OFWs often make sacrifices for the sake of their families, and their families, in turn, support them and appreciate their efforts. This sense of shared purpose and mutual support can help mitigate the negative effects of parental migration. But there are also cultural expectations that may prevent open communication or seeking help, so it’s important to be aware of these nuances.
Celebrating the Sacrifices
It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate the sacrifices that OFWs make for their families. They often work long hours in challenging conditions, far away from their loved ones. Their remittances help provide for their families’ basic needs, education, and future.
By recognizing and appreciating their sacrifices, we can show our gratitude and support. We can also help create a more positive narrative around OFW migration, focusing on the strength, resilience, and dedication of Filipino workers abroad. Let us acknowledge and give our appreciation to hard-working OFWs whose children need care and attention in their absence.
The Importance of Financial Literacy
Financial literacy is essential for OFW families. It’s important for both the OFW parent and the remaining parent to understand how to manage their finances wisely, save for the future, and avoid debt. Financial planning can provide a sense of security and stability for the family, reducing stress and anxiety.
Classes, seminars, and online resources can help OFW families develop their financial literacy skills. Learning how to budget, invest, and plan for retirement can make a huge difference in their long-term financial well-being.
FAQ Section
How can I help my child cope with the sadness of having an OFW parent?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to be sad. Encourage them to talk about their emotions and find healthy ways to express them, like through art, music, or writing. Spend quality time with them and create positive memories. Facilitate regular communication with the OFW parent, so they never feel disconnected.
My child is acting out at school. Could it be related to their parent working abroad?
It’s definitely possible. Behavioral problems can be a sign that a child is struggling to cope with the emotional stress of having a parent working overseas. Talk to your child, their teacher, and the school counselor to understand what’s going on. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in child psychology.
What can I do as the remaining parent to create a stable environment for my children?
Establish a consistent routine, set clear rules and expectations, and provide plenty of love and affection. Make sure your children feel safe and secure, and that their basic needs are met. Take care of your own physical and mental health, so you can be there for your children. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, or community resources.
How can I, as an OFW parent, stay connected with my children despite the distance?
Schedule regular video calls, send letters and care packages, be involved in their school activities virtually, and plan visits and holidays together as often as possible. Listen actively to what they have to say and offer your support and encouragement. Make sure they know you love them and that you’re thinking of them.
What are the long-term effects of growing up with an OFW parent?
While there can be challenges, many children of OFWs develop resilience, independence, and a strong sense of resourcefulness. They learn to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, and take care of themselves. These qualities can serve them well in life, helping them succeed in school, work, and relationships. It is best to consult a therapist or counselor to handle specific psychological damage from the phenomenon.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority
American Psychological Association (APA)
Take Action Today!
The challenges of growing up with an OFW parent are real, but they don’t have to define a child’s future. By understanding the potential psychological effects, strengthening communication, building strong support systems, and seeking professional help when needed, families can navigate these challenges and thrive. If you’re an OFW parent, commit to staying connected and involved in your child’s life. If you’re the remaining parent, prioritize creating a stable and loving environment. And if you’re a child of an OFW, know that you’re not alone and that help is available. Start today by reaching out, having a conversation, and taking small steps towards a brighter future. Let’s work together to support OFW families and ensure that every child has the opportunity to grow up happy, healthy, and well-adjusted.
