Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) often leave their families behind in search of better opportunities abroad. While physical absence is a significant challenge, OFWs can still profoundly and positively impact their children’s lives through mindful strategies and dedicated effort. It is about turning distance into a different kind of presence – one that nurtures, guides, and empowers children from afar.
Making Absence Less of a Loss: The Power of Connection
It may sound simple, but consistent communication is really the cornerstone of maintaining a strong bond with your kids when you’re an OFW. We’re not just talking about a quick text message every now and then. Think about scheduling regular video calls. Seeing your face and hearing your voice can make a world of difference to a child, especially younger ones. Tools like Skype, Zoom, and Viber offer free or low-cost video calls, and many are compatible even on simple mobile phones. Make these calls a tradition. Maybe it’s Sunday dinner together on video, or a bedtime story read online. Even a quick chat about their day at school can have a huge impact.
Remember, it’s not just about the frequency, but also the quality of the conversation. Instead of just asking “How was school?”, try asking more specific questions. “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?” or “What did you play with your friends at recess?”. That shows you’re really paying attention and are genuinely interested in their lives.
It’s also helpful to be present for important events, even if you can’t be there physically. Ask someone to record their school play, sports game, or graduation ceremony. Watching the video later will allow you to celebrate with them. You can also send them a small recorded video message of support and encouragement ahead of these events, something they can keep and rewatch.
Importantly, explain to your children in a way they understand why you are away. Be honest about the sacrifices you are making and how it benefits the whole family. Older children, especially, appreciate honesty and reasoning, and this can foster a sense of shared responsibility and understanding.
Turning Remittances into Opportunities: Strategic Financial Support
One of the primary reasons OFWs work abroad is to provide financial support for their families. However, simply sending money isn’t always enough. It’s about using those hard-earned remittances strategically to improve your children’s lives in the long term.
First, think about education. Set up an education fund specifically for your children’s future. This could be a savings account, an educational plan, or even investments. Discuss these plans with your kids (if they are old enough) to show them that you are investing in their future. The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) offers resources on financial literacy that can help you make informed decisions about managing remittances and investments. Visit the BSP website for more information.
Beyond education, consider other areas where your remittances can make a difference. Maybe your child has a talent for music or sports. Invest in lessons, equipment, or training. This shows them that you support their passions and encourages them to pursue their dreams.
It’s also important to teach your children about the value of money. Explain to them where the money is coming from and the sacrifices you are making to earn it. Encourage them to save a portion of their allowance and to be mindful of their spending. Giving them small responsibilities, like managing a budget for school supplies, can help them learn financial responsibility.
Avoid spoiling your kids, even if you are earning more money abroad. Excessive gifts and material things can create a sense of entitlement and hinder their development. Instead, focus on experiences and opportunities that will help them grow and learn. Spending money on family vacations (when you can take leave) or educational trips can create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.
The Power of Shared Values: Long-Distance Parenting Strategies
Even from afar, you can instill strong values in your children. Be involved in their moral and ethical development, even if you’re not physically present. How? Lead by example. Regularly communicate and let them understand your moral compass through your words and actions. Ask questions about their challenges, and help them think through the best choices while emphasizing the potential impact of their decisions. Make sure they understand your principles.
Set clear expectations for their behavior and responsibilities. Discuss these expectations with your spouse or caregiver so everyone is on the same page. Consistent discipline, even from a distance, is crucial. If your child misbehaves, talk to them about it calmly and explain why their actions were wrong. Come up with consequences that are fair and appropriate. Reinforcing the importance of traits like honesty, respect, kindness, and perseverance is vital.
Encourage them to participate in community activities and volunteer work. This helps them develop a sense of empathy and social responsibility. You can even participate with them virtually in certain events or campaigns. Support their interests and hobbies – whether it’s reading, sports, or art. This shows them that you care about their passions and encourages them to develop their talents.
Furthermore, utilize technology and social media to deliver positive reinforcement. Leave encouraging messages on their social media posts, acknowledge their successes on birthdays or special occasions through video calls, or start an online family group where you can share inspiring stories and positive affirmations.
Overcoming the Guilt: Embracing Your Role as a Provider
Many OFWs struggle with guilt about being away from their children. It’s understandable to feel this way, but it’s important to remember that you are making a sacrifice for their well-being. Remind yourself of the reasons why you chose to work abroad. Focus on the positive impact your remittances are having on your family’s lives.
Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on what you can do to be a good parent from a distance. Schedule regular calls, write letters or emails, send small gifts, and be actively involved in their lives. Recognize your strength and resilience in facing challenges and provide for your family’s needs – show your children that you’re willing to persevere for their benefits, and you can transform absence into a demonstration of your profound love.
Seek support from other OFWs who understand what you are going through. Online forums and support groups can provide a sense of community and allow you to share your experiences and learn from others. There are Filipino communities in many host countries that often provide services for OFWs.
It’s also vital to delegate responsibilities at home. Entrusting your parenting role to a reliable spouse, relative, or guardian is not a sign of weakness, but a pragmatic approach to ensure your children receive full, consistent care. Communicate your expectations and guidelines clearly, and maintain an open dialogue to address any issues as they arise.
Remember to take care of yourself, too. Working abroad can be stressful, so it’s important to prioritize your physical and mental health. Get enough sleep, eat healthy food, exercise regularly, and find ways to relax and de-stress. This will allow you to be a better parent and provider for your family.
The Return Home: Reintegrating into Family Life
The day you return home permanently should be a joyous occasion. But it is also an adjustment period for everyone involved. It’s important to manage expectations and be prepared for some challenges.
Give your children (and yourself) time to adjust to the new dynamic. Don’t try to take over everything at once. Start by spending quality time together and getting to know each other again. Be understanding and patient with them, especially if they have grown used to a different way of life.
Take an active role in their daily lives. Help with homework, attend school events, and get involved in their hobbies. This shows them that you are committed to being a part of their lives. Communicate openly and honestly with your children about your experiences abroad. Share your stories, your struggles, and your successes. This will help them understand you better and strengthen your bond.
Address any issues or conflicts that may have arisen during your absence. Talk to your children about their feelings and listen to their concerns. Be willing to compromise and work together to find solutions that work for everyone. Most importantly, celebrate your reunion as a family. Plan fun activities, go on vacations, and create lasting memories together. This will help you reconnect and build a stronger relationship.
Real-Life Examples: OFWs Making a Difference
Here are some real-life examples of how OFWs have positively impacted their children’s lives:
Maria, a nurse in Saudi Arabia, sends a portion of her earnings to her daughter’s tutoring program. She also makes sure to video call her daughter every night to help with her homework and provide encouragement.
Jose, a construction worker in Canada, saved enough money to send his son to a top university in the Philippines. He also uses his vacation time to visit his son and attend his graduation ceremony.
Elena, a domestic worker in Hong Kong, created an online support group for other OFW mothers. She shares tips on how to stay connected with their children and provides emotional support.
Ricardo, a seaman, taught his children the value of hard work while he worked tirelessly abroad. It inspired them to do well in their studies and motivated them to find jobs and help their family.
These are just a few examples of how OFWs can make a positive difference in their children’s lives. It takes effort, dedication, and a strong commitment to family, but being an OFW doesn’t have to mean being absent.
Cultivating Independence and Resilience in Children
While you are working hard to provide for your family, it’s also important to nurture independence and resilience in your children. As an OFW, you have the opportunity to teach your children valuable life skills that will serve them well in the future.
Encourage them to take on responsibilities around the house. Assign them chores like cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry. This helps them develop a sense of responsibility and self-sufficiency. Teach them how to solve problems on their own. Instead of always giving them the answers, guide them to find solutions. This develops their critical thinking skills and builds their confidence.
Give them opportunities to make their own decisions. Allow them to choose their own clothes, plan their own activities, and manage their own allowances. This helps them develop their decision-making skills and learn from their mistakes or consider them as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. Support their hobbies, talents, and dreams. This helps them discover their strengths and build their self-esteem.
Help them develop a strong support system. This could include friends, family members, teachers, or mentors. Having a strong support system helps them navigate challenges and cope with stress. Remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that setbacks are a part of life. Teach them how to learn from their mistakes and bounce back from adversity. This builds their resilience and helps them develop a positive attitude.
The Role of Technology: Utilizing Digital Tools for Connection
In today’s digital age, technology can play a powerful role in bridging the gap between OFWs and their children. There are numerous digital tools that can help you stay connected, communicate effectively, and actively participate in your child’s life, no matter how far away you are:
Video Conferencing: As mentioned earlier, video calls are a fantastic way to see and hear your children regularly. Platforms like Zoom, Skype, Google Meet, and Viber offer free or low-cost options for staying in touch.
Messaging Apps: Messaging apps like WhatsApp, Messenger, and Telegram allow you to send quick messages, photos, and videos to your children throughout the day. This is a great way to stay updated on their activities and offer encouragement and support.
Email: Email can be a powerful tool for sending longer, more thoughtful messages to your children. You can share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with them, and they can do the same with you. It’s like a letter but online, and more cost-effective way.
Social Media: Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can help you stay connected to your children’s lives. You can follow their posts, comment on their pictures, and share your own experiences with them. However, encourage responsible use and monitor their activity.
Online Games: Online games can be a fun way to bond with your children, especially if they are gamers. You can play games together online, chat with them while you play, and even form virtual teams.
Educational Apps: There are many educational apps available that can help your children learn and develop new skills. You can choose apps that are aligned with their interests and learning goals and encourage them to use them regularly or even review topics with them.
Family Calendar Apps: Family calendar apps like Google Calendar or Cozi can help you stay organized and coordinate schedules with your family. You can use these apps to schedule video calls, track important events, and set reminders. It’s a transparent way to manage time.
Remember to use technology responsibly and to set healthy boundaries with your children. Don’t allow technology to replace face-to-face interaction with other family members when you are home on vacation.
Building Strong Relationships with Caregivers
As an OFW, you are relying on someone else to care for your children in your absence. It’s crucial to cultivate a strong and trusting relationship with this caregiver, whether it is your spouse, a relative, or a hired helper.
Communicate openly and honestly with the caregiver about your expectations and concerns. Share your parenting philosophies and discuss any specific challenges or issues that your children are facing. It helps to work as a team. Provide the caregiver with the resources and support they need to do their job effectively. This could include financial assistance, training, or emotional support. Show your appreciation for their hard work and dedication. A simple thank you can go a long way.
Involve the caregiver in decision-making processes related to your children. Ask for their input on issues like school, health, and discipline. Respect their opinions and be willing to compromise. Regularly check in with the caregiver to see how things are going. Ask about your children’s progress, their challenges, and their achievements. Listen attentively to their concerns and offer your support.
If possible, schedule regular video calls with the caregiver and your children together. This allows you to maintain a connection with both of them and to address any issues that may arise. Treat your caregiver with respect and kindness. Remember that they are playing a vital role in your children’s lives. By building a strong and trusting relationship with the caregiver, you can ensure that your children receive the best possible care in your absence.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What are the biggest challenges OFWs face in raising their children from a distance?
The biggest challenges often involve feelings of guilt and missing important milestones, communication difficulties due to time differences, and the stress on the family left behind to manage daily lives and parental responsibilities. Maintaining discipline and ensuring caregivers follow the same parenting style can be tough, too.
How can I stay connected with my children when I have limited internet access?
Even with limited internet, there are ways to stay connected. Consider sending regular letters or postcards, scheduling phone calls during off-peak hours when rates might be cheaper, and requesting caregivers to send you texts or photos to stay updated. Focus on the quality of conversation, not just quantity.
My child is angry about my absence. How can I address this?
Acknowledge their emotions and validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry and that you understand why they feel that way. Initiate conversations that are open about the reasons for your absence, and demonstrate through consistent contact and involvement in their lives that you care. Consider professional counseling if their anger is persistent and affecting their well-being.
How do I ensure that my remittances are being used effectively for my children’s benefit?
Establish clear financial goals and communicate them with your spouse or caregiver. Request regular reports or updates on how the money is being spent. Consider setting up separate accounts for specific needs like education or healthcare. Involve your children in discussions about budgeting and saving (if they are old enough) to teach them financial responsibility.
What can I do to prepare my children for my eventual return home?
Start talking about your return well in advance, so they are not caught off guard. Discuss what life will be like when you’re home, emphasizing the positive aspects and being realistic about the adjustments. Spend more time interacting with them online and involving yourself in their routines from afar. When you return, be patient and understanding as everyone adjusts to the new dynamic, and prioritize quality family time.
References
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas. “Financial Literacy.”
Scalabrini Migration Center. “Filipinos Overseas: Global Pictures and Trends.”
UNICEF. “The Impact of Parental Migration on Children Left Behind.”
Instead of a typical conclusion, let’s think about the future. You’re an OFW not just for today, but for the tomorrows of your children. You have the power to shape those futures. Do you want your children to remember your absence, or the powerful influence you had on their lives despite the distance? Start today. Make that extra phone call, send that encouraging message, plan that future investment in their education. Your actions, no matter how small, can resonate across the miles and build a bridge of love, guidance, and opportunity for your children. Begin building that bridge right now.
