Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a huge sacrifice, especially when it means being away from your family. It’s tough enough already focusing on your work abroad, but the worry for your kids back home never really goes away. One of the biggest challenges is knowing if your child is doing okay emotionally. This article will give you practical tips on how to stay connected and spot the warning signs that your child might be struggling.
Why It’s Extra Important for OFW Parents to Pay Attention
When you’re an OFW, you’re not physically there to see the day-to-day changes in your child. You miss out on seeing their facial expressions, hearing the tone of their voice, and observing their interactions with friends. This distance makes it much harder to notice subtle signs of emotional distress. It’s like trying to read a book through a blurry window – you can see the words, but you might miss all the important details that give them meaning. According to a study about children of migrant workers, being separated with their parents influences their well-being and academic performance negatively. This is also validated in this comprehensive literature review about migrant parents.
Think of it this way: If you were home, you’d probably notice if your child suddenly stopped eating their favorite food, or if they started spending all their time alone in their room. You’d pick up on those non-verbal cues without even trying. But when you’re miles away, you rely on phone calls, video chats, and messages, which can easily mask underlying emotional issues. That’s why it’s vital to be proactive and extra observant.
Changes in Behavior: More Than Just “Growing Up”
Kids change as they grow, that’s true. But some changes are more than just typical teen angst or a phase. It’s about distinguishing normal development from signs of a deeper problem. Here’s how to break it down:
Sudden Mood Swings: We all get grumpy sometimes, but pay close attention to the frequency and intensity of your child’s mood swings. Are they constantly irritable, sad, or anxious for no apparent reason? Are these feelings lasting for days or weeks, instead of just a few hours? For example, maybe your usually cheerful daughter suddenly snaps at everyone and bursts into tears over small things. That warrants a closer look. Consider consulting a professional if mood swings become alarming.
Withdrawal from Activities: If your child used to love playing basketball with friends, but now refuses to leave the house, that’s a red flag. Losing interest in hobbies and social activities is a common sign of depression or anxiety. It might be tempting to think “they’ll get over it,” but it’s essential to dig deeper. Maybe someone at home is having a tough time.
Changes in Sleep Patterns: Is your child suddenly sleeping all day or struggling to fall asleep at night? Insomnia and excessive sleepiness can both be signs of emotional distress. Check if their lifestyle is disrupting their sleep. Maybe they are playing video games excessively at night. Or maybe they are having trouble settling down after an argument.
Changes in Eating Habits: Just like sleep patterns, changes in eating habits can signal a problem. Some kids might overeat to cope with stress, while others might lose their appetite completely. Significant weight gain or loss without any explanation should be a cause for concern. Perhaps they stopped eating meals at home and prefer eating independently. Or they started skipping their meals.
Decline in School Performance: If your child’s grades are suddenly dropping, it could be a sign that something is wrong. They might be struggling to concentrate in class because they’re worried or stressed. Check on their peer relationships at school. Many factors may contribute to poor performance, so it is best to find out what it is.
Increased Irritability or Aggression: While some teenage rebellion is normal, a sudden increase in irritability or aggression could indicate underlying emotional problems. Are they easily frustrated, argumentative, or prone to outbursts of anger? Talk to them; don’t assume they’re “just being difficult.” They might be bottling everything up inside.
Listening Without Judgment
Communication is key, especially when you’re far away. But it’s not just about talking to your child; it’s about listening to them. Here’s how to create a safe space for them to open up:
Schedule Regular Video Calls: Don’t just rely on quick texts and messages. Make time for regular video calls where you can see your child’s face and hear their voice. This allows you to pick up on non-verbal cues that you might miss otherwise. Set up weekly “date nights” where you can talk about anything and everything. Keep your promise, too!
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” ask open-ended questions that encourage your child to talk about their feelings. For example, instead of saying “Did you have a good day at school?” try asking “What was the most interesting thing that happened at school today?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?”
Listen Actively: When your child is talking, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and make eye contact. Listen without interrupting or judging. Let them know that you’re there to listen and support them, no matter what. Paraphrase what they tell you to ensure that you are on the same page.
Validate Their Feelings: Even if you don’t understand why your child is upset, it’s important to validate their feelings. Acknowledge that their emotions are real and valid, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. For example, instead of saying “Don’t be sad, it’s not a big deal,” try saying “I understand why you’re feeling sad. It sounds like that was a really difficult situation.”
Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice: Sometimes, kids just need someone to listen. They don’t necessarily want your advice or solutions. Resist the urge to jump in with advice unless they specifically ask for it. Instead, focus on offering support and encouragement. It is also important to let them learn things independently.
Enlisting the Help of Relatives and Friends
You’re not alone in this. Lean on the people you trust back home to help you keep an eye on your child. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and close friends can all play a role in providing support and monitoring your child’s well-being.
Communicate Regularly with Caregivers: Maintain open communication with whoever is taking care of your child in your absence. Check in with them regularly to get updates on your child’s behavior, mood, and overall well-being. If you are relying on your parents, have a direct and honest conversation with them. Be diplomatic when offering reminders. Don’t assume they know. They may have a hard time disciplining their grandchild.
Ask Relatives to Spend Time with Your Child: Encourage your relatives to spend quality time with your child, whether it’s going to the park, watching a movie, or just having a casual conversation. This can help your child feel more connected and supported. A change in environment can help your child relax and lessen the stressful situation.
Encourage Your Child to Talk to a Trusted Adult: If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional well-being, encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or family friend. Having someone else to confide in can make a big difference. A guidance counselor can help your child discover and harness their strengths to cope with difficult times.
Create a Support Network: Build a support network of people who can help you support your child from afar. This could include other OFW parents, family members, friends, and mental health professionals. Sharing your experiences and concerns with others can help you feel less alone and more empowered. Connecting with a fellow OFW can help, because they share the same experiences.
Technology: A Double-Edged Sword
Technology can be a lifeline for OFW parents, but it can also be a source of problems. Here’s how to use tech to your advantage, while minimizing the risks:
Monitor Social Media Activity (Respectfully): It’s important to be aware of what your child is doing online, but you also need to respect their privacy. Talk to your child about the importance of online safety and responsible social media use. Consider using parental control apps to monitor their activity, but be transparent about it. You can also set up a reward system. For example, if they reach a goal in their studies, you can give them extended time on social media.
Be Aware of Cyberbullying: Cyberbullying is a serious problem that can have a devastating impact on a child’s emotional well-being. Educate your child about cyberbullying and encourage them to report any incidents to you or a trusted adult. Bullies can be adults or children. Stay alert and responsive.
Encourage Healthy Screen Time Habits: Excessive screen time can contribute to anxiety, depression, and sleep problems. Set limits on your child’s screen time and encourage them to engage in other activities, such as sports, hobbies, and spending time with friends and family. Also, ask them what they are watching, to make sure the content is educational and suitable for their age.
Use Technology to Stay Connected: Use technology to stay connected with your child in meaningful ways. Send them funny memes, share interesting articles, or play online games together. The key is to find ways to use technology to strengthen your relationship, not replace it. Ask your child for tips about the latest trends and memes online! They will definitely appreciate your effort.
Getting Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child might need professional help to cope with their emotional challenges. There’s no shame in seeking out therapy or counseling. Think of it this way: you take your child to the doctor when they have a fever, getting psychological help is the same as visiting a pediatrician.
Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Therapy: Many people view therapy as a sign of weakness, but it’s actually a sign of strength. Seeking therapy shows that you’re willing to take proactive steps to address your child’s emotional health. Therapy can provide your child with a safe space to explore their feelings, develop coping skills, and work through their challenges. Check if your health insurance can cover visits to a therapy provider. Also, consult with a trusted doctor if you are eligible to avail government assistance.
Look for Therapists Who Specialize in Children of OFWs: Some therapists specialize in working with children of OFWs. These therapists understand the unique challenges that these children face and can provide tailored support and guidance. Ask your network or family if they know a suitable therapist in your location. Also, you can ask your child to provide their preferences for a therapist.
Consider Online Therapy: If you’re having difficulty finding a therapist in your area, or if your child is more comfortable with online therapy, consider exploring online therapy options. There are many reputable online therapy platforms that offer affordable and convenient access to licensed therapists. Discuss the pros and cons of this approach with your child.
Maintaining Your Own Well-being
It’s easy to get so caught up in worrying about your child that you forget to take care of yourself. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing your own well-being is essential for being an effective and supportive parent, even from afar.
Stay Connected with Friends and Family: Make time to connect with your friends and family, even if it’s just for a quick phone call or video chat. Social support can help you cope with stress and loneliness. Join an online group to connect with people with similar situations. Many OFWs have turned to social media platforms like Facebook to create a support group. Staying connected can help you cope with difficulties.
Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and de-stress. This could include reading, listening to music, exercising, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness. It may be tempting to fill your free time with over time work, but it is also important to replenish yourself physically and mentally.
Seek Support from Other OFWs: Connecting with other OFWs who understand the challenges of being away from your family can be incredibly helpful. Join online forums, attend support group meetings, or simply reach out to other OFWs in your community. Sharing your experiences and challenges with others can help you feel less alone and more supported. You can also exchange useful tips to deal with being away from your loved ones.
Practical Tips for Making Your Presence Felt
Here are some concrete actions you can take to stay involved in your child’s life, even when you’re not physically present:
Send Handwritten Letters and Packages: In this digital age, a handwritten letter or package can be a special and meaningful way to show your child that you’re thinking of them. Include small gifts, photos, or notes of encouragement. Little things can have a huge impact on children. They feel seen and validated.
Participate in Special Occasions Virtually: Don’t let distance prevent you from participating in your child’s special occasions. Attend birthday parties, school events, and graduations virtually. Dress up as if you were going there physically. Bring a gift, even if it needs to be delivered by someone else. It shows your child that you care about them.
Help with Homework and Projects: Offer to help your child with their homework or school projects via video call. This can be a great way to stay involved in their education and show them that you’re invested in their success. Learning together can also create a bonding experience for both of you. You’ll get to bond, teach (or relearn) concepts, and show you care!
Send Voice Messages: If video calls aren’t always possible, send voice messages to your child throughout the day. This can be a quick and easy way to check in with them, share your thoughts, and remind them that you’re thinking of them. It can be a simple message to encourage them before a test, or before attending a school event. Always let them feel your presence.
FAQ Section
What if my child refuses to talk to me about their feelings?
It’s important to respect your child’s boundaries and not force them to talk about things they’re not ready to discuss. Instead, focus on creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel comfortable opening up when they’re ready. Let them know that you’re always there for them, no matter what. You can mention or emphasize that you won’t get angry or irritated, in order to reduce their hesitation. You can also start sharing your stories and experiences.
How do I know if my child is just being a typical teenager, or if they’re actually struggling emotionally?
It can be difficult to distinguish between normal teenage behavior and signs of emotional distress. Pay attention to the frequency, intensity, and duration of your child’s mood swings and behavior changes. If you’re concerned, talk to your child’s caregiver, teacher, or a mental health professional. Check if they are interacting with their peers, if their physical appearance has changed, or if their eating habits are healthy.
What if I can’t afford therapy for my child?
There are many affordable or free mental health resources available in most communities. Check with your local community center, religious organizations, or mental health agencies to see what services they offer. Many schools also have counselors available to students. You can also consult your local government for available resources in your area.
How can I build trust with my child when I’m not physically present?
Building trust requires consistent effort and communication. Be reliable, keep your promises, and follow through on your commitments. Show your child that you’re there for them, even when you’re far away. Don’t judge, avoid negative responses, and stay humble.
What if my child blames me for being away and working abroad?
It’s understandable for your child to feel resentful or angry about your absence. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Explain your reasons for working abroad and emphasize that you’re doing it out of love and a desire to provide for them. Tell them how challenging it is for you too. But, emphasize how you love them. It could be a difficult conversation, but it helps with building trust and understanding.
References
Amuedo-Dorantes, C., & Antman, F. M. (2018). The effects of parental migration on the family and children: A review of the literature. Journal of Economic Surveys, 32(3), 722-741.
Reyes, C. M., Mina, C. P., & Crisanto, J. C. (2017). Impact of Migration on Children Left Behind: A Case Study of the Philippines. Philippine Institute for Development Studies.
WHO
Unicef
Instead of a simple conclusion, I urge you to take the first step today to strengthen your connection with your child. Schedule that video call, send that message, and really listen. Even small actions can make a huge difference. Your child needs you, even from afar. Don’t wait until it’s too late to spot the warning signs – be proactive and show your love and support every single day. Your dedication and effort as an overseas Filipino worker can provide a better life, but make sure your children also know that they are not alone. Let your children know that you are with them through it all.
