Taking care of your kids from far away as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) can be tough, but it’s definitely doable and you’re not alone. The key is to be present, even when you’re physically absent. Here’s the guide that will help you become a pro at long-distance parenting.
Understanding the Challenges
Being an OFW parent comes with its own special set of hurdles. It’s not just about sending money; it’s about nurturing your child’s emotional, social, and academic growth from afar. One of the big challenges is the feeling of guilt – feeling like you’re missing out on important milestones, like their first steps, school plays, or even just everyday moments. You might also worry about the person taking care of your kids, like your spouse or a relative. Are they doing things the way you would? Are they giving your child enough attention and care? Knowing that you are working hard to provide what they need can sometimes ease this guilt.
Another challenge is communication. Time zone differences can make it hard to connect with your kids regularly. You might be working when they’re at school, or asleep when they’re finally free to talk. Also, it might be hard for them to express their feelings over the phone or through video calls. They might miss you a lot, but not know how to say it. And let’s be real, keeping up with their daily lives, schoolwork, and friend drama from thousands of miles away is super tricky.
Even family dynamics change when one parent is away. The nanay or tatay who’s left behind takes on more responsibilities, and that can be stressful for them too. Kids might act out because they miss you, or they might feel jealous if they see their friends’ parents around more often. You have to work extra hard to keep the family strong and connected, even when you’re not there physically.
Building Strong Connections
Staying connected is super important. It’s the glue that keeps your family together, even when you’re miles apart. It can be tough to find the time and ways to do that, but trust me, it’s worth the effort.
Schedule regular calls. Don’t just call when you have free time. Set specific days and times each week just for talking to your kids. This gives them something to look forward to and shows them you’re making them a priority. Try to stick to the schedule as much as possible, but be flexible enough to handle unexpected delays.
Use video calls. Seeing your face makes a huge difference. It’s much more personal than just hearing your voice. Use apps like Skype, Zoom, or Viber to have regular video chats. You can even do fun things like have a virtual dinner together or watch a movie at the same time.
Send messages frequently. Don’t just wait for your scheduled calls. Send text messages, photos, or short video clips throughout the week. Even small things like a “Good luck on your test!” or “Thinking of you!” can make your kids feel loved and remembered.
Use social media strategically. If your kids are old enough, connect with them on social media. Like their posts, comment on their photos, and send them messages. Just be mindful of their privacy and be a responsible digital parent.
Write letters or send postcards. In this digital age, getting a handwritten letter in the mail is a special treat. It shows you put time and effort into communicating with them. Send postcards from the places you visit or write about your everyday life in your letters.
Create shared online albums or journals. This is a fun way to document memories and share experiences. You can upload photos, videos, and journal entries that your whole family can access.
Making the Most of Your Visits
Home visits are precious. Make them count! This is your chance to reconnect with your kids in person and create lasting memories.
Plan activities together. Instead of just doing what you want, ask your kids what they want to do. Plan fun activities that everyone will enjoy, like going to the beach, visiting a theme park, or just having a picnic in the park.
Be present. Put away your phone and focus on your kids. Really listen to what they have to say and be fully engaged in the activities you’re doing together. This is your time to connect with them emotionally, so make the most of it.
Establish routines. Even though you’re only visiting for a short time, try to establish some routines. This will help your kids feel more secure and grounded. For example, you could read them a bedtime story every night or have a special breakfast together every morning.
Create lasting mementos. Take lots of photos and videos during your visit. These will be precious memories that you can look back on for years to come. You can also create a scrapbook or a photo album together.
Plan for the next visit. Before you leave, talk to your kids about when you’ll see them again. This will give them something to look forward to and help them feel less sad about your departure.
Remember that it’s okay to feel sad. Saying goodbye is never easy. Allow yourself and your children to feel sad. Acknowledge the emotions and reassure them that you’ll see them again soon. Turning this around can strengthen family bonds.
Working with the Caregiver
The person who’s taking care of your kids while you’re away – whether it’s your spouse, a relative, or a nanny – is your partner in parenting. It’s very important to work well together to make sure your kids are getting the best possible care.
Communicate openly and regularly. Talk to the caregiver regularly about your kids’ needs, progress, and any concerns you have. Be open to their feedback and suggestions. Remember, you’re a team.
Establish clear expectations. Be clear about your parenting values, rules, and expectations. This will help the caregiver understand how you want your kids to be raised and what you expect of them.
Support the caregiver. Taking care of kids is hard work, especially when one parent is away. Offer your support and encouragement to the caregiver. Show them that you appreciate their efforts.
Respect their authority. You may not always agree with the caregiver’s decisions, but it’s important to respect their authority. Avoid undermining them in front of the kids. If you have concerns, talk to them privately.
Trust their judgment. You chose this person to care for your children for a reason. Trust their judgment and allow them to make decisions based on their experience and knowledge.
If problems arise, address them directly and calmly. Disagreements happen. When they do, address them privately, calmly, and with a focus on finding solutions that benefit the children.
Build a positive relationship. Remember that your relationship with the caregiver influences your children’s well-being. Strive to foster a positive, supportive, and respectful relationship. Make the caregiver feel valued and part of the family.
Financial Planning and Education
One of the main reasons why many Filipinos work overseas is to provide a better future for their children. But it’s not just about sending money. It’s also about teaching your kids about financial responsibility and making smart choices.
Involve your kids in financial discussions. Depending on their age, involve your kids in family financial discussions. Explain to them how much things cost and why it’s important to save money. Make them understand where the money is coming from and why you are working away from them.
Teach them about budgeting. Show them how to create a budget and track their spending. This will help them learn how to manage their money wisely.
Encourage them to save. Encourage your kids to save a portion of their allowance or gifts. You can even offer to match their savings to motivate them.
Set up a savings account for them. Open a savings account in your child’s name and teach them how to deposit money and track their balance.
Talk about the value of hard work. Explain to your kids that you’re working hard to provide for them. Teach them the value of hard work and perseverance.
Invest in their education. Education is one of the best investments you can make in your child’s future. Prioritize their education and provide them with the resources they need to succeed. According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, education greatly improves employment opportunities Philippine Statistics Authority.
Dealing with Guilt and Loneliness
Being an OFW parent can be emotionally draining. It’s natural to feel guilty about missing out on your kids’ lives and lonely being away from your family. Here are some ways to cope with these feelings:
Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t try to suppress your feelings of guilt and loneliness. Acknowledge them and allow yourself to feel them.
Talk to someone. Talk to your spouse, a friend, a family member, or a counselor about your feelings. Sharing your feelings can help you feel less alone and more supported.
Connect with other OFWs. Find other OFWs who are also parents. Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can be very helpful.
Focus on the positive. Remind yourself why you’re working overseas. Focus on the positive things you’re providing for your family.
Take care of yourself. Take care of your physical and mental health. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Also, find time for activities you enjoy to relieve stress and boost your mood. Find a reliable organization that offer programs specifically for OFWs such as OWWA for support.
Stay connected with your community. Find ways to stay connected with your culture and community while you are abroad. Join Filipino organizations, attend cultural events, or participate in online forums. Connecting with your roots can ease the feeling that you are not belonging somewhere.
Addressing Behavioral Issues
Sometimes, children of OFWs may exhibit behavioral problems due to the absence of a parent. These issues can range from acting out to withdrawal. It’s important to address these issues promptly and effectively.
Be observant. Pay attention to your child’s behavior. Look for signs of distress, such as changes in their mood, sleeping habits, or eating patterns.
Communicate with the caregiver. Talk to the caregiver about your concerns and ask for their input. They may have valuable insights into your child’s behavior.
Talk to your child. Create a safe space for your child to express their feelings. Listen to them without judgment and validate their emotions.
Seek professional help. If the behavioral issues are severe or persistent, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
Reinforce positive behavior. Focus on reinforcing positive behavior rather than punishing negative behavior. Praise your child for their accomplishments and good choices.
Ensure consistency. Work with the caregiver to ensure consistency in discipline and expectations. This will help your child understand the rules and boundaries.
Preparing for Your Return
Planning for your return is just as important as planning for your departure. It will make you adjust your lifestyle when you return home for good. A smooth transition will benefit everyone in the family.
Start planning early. Don’t wait until the last minute to start planning your return. Start thinking about your plans several months in advance. Having a return plan reduces future problems.
Talk to your family. Discuss your plans with your family and get their input. Make sure everyone is on board with the plan.
Create a financial plan. Develop a financial plan to ensure that you have enough money to support your family when you return.
Find a job. Start looking for a job in the Philippines before you return. This will make the transition easier and reduce stress.
Adjust your expectations. Be prepared for some adjustments when you return. It may take some time for your family to get used to having you back home.
Focus on rebuilding relationships. Spend quality time with your family and focus on rebuilding your relationships. This is the most important thing.
Be patient. It may take some time to adjust to your new life in the Philippines. Be patient with yourself and your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I deal with my child’s resentment towards me for being away?
Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to be angry or sad. Spend quality time with them when you can, and actively listen to their concerns. Remind them that your absence is to provide a better future for them. Show love and affection consistently.
What are some affordable ways to stay connected with my kids?
Utilize free messaging apps like Viber or WhatsApp for calls and texts. Schedule regular video calls using free platforms like Google Meet or Zoom. Send photos and short videos regularly to share your experiences. Write emails or letters for a personal touch.
How can I ensure my child’s caregiver is following my parenting style?
Establish clear expectations and communicate regularly with the caregiver about your parenting values, rules, and expectations. Provide them with resources and training if necessary. Seek feedback on their methods and be open to their input. Most importantly, be sure you have chosen a guardian you completely trust.
My child is struggling in school since I left. How can I help from abroad?
Stay in regular contact with your child’s teachers. Offer to help with homework via video call. Send educational resources or materials that can supplement their learning. Talk to your spouse or caregiver and see if a tutor is necessary and whether they can assist your child on-site.
How can I prepare my child for my eventual return home for good?
Talk about your return plans in advance. Involve them in the process of planning your return, such as choosing a new home or school. Start spending more time with them virtually as your return date approaches. Assure them that your love for them hasn’t changed during your absence.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Don’t let distance define your role as a parent! You have the power to build strong, loving, and supportive relationships with your children, no matter where you are in the world. Start implementing these tips today and witness the positive impact they have on your family. You CAN be an amazing long-distance parent! Need support? Talk to other OFWs. Don’t give up. You are doing this for them!
