When a mom, dad, or other family member works far away as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW), it’s not just about missing them during birthdays or holidays. It’s also about the deep sadness and loss that their absence can create within the family. This sadness is like an “empty chair” at the dinner table, a constant reminder of who isn’t there. This can be especially tough on kids and the family members left behind. This article will talk about how to understand and cope with this grief.
Understanding Grief and Absence in OFW Families
Imagine your mom or dad taking a job in another country. They leave to provide a better life for you and your family, but they also leave a big hole in your everyday life. This hole isn’t just about not having them around to cook dinner or help with homework. It’s also about missing their hugs, their laughter, and their presence. This feeling of missing someone is called grief. It’s a normal human emotion, just like happiness or sadness. It’s important to remember that grief is okay, and everyone experiences it in their own way.
Grief when a loved one is far away can be different from grief when someone passes away. You know your OFW family member is still alive, but they are physically absent from your daily life. This kind of grief can be confusing. You might feel sad, angry, or even guilty. You might wonder why your family member had to leave, or if they miss you as much as you miss them. These feelings are all valid.
The absence of an OFW parent can have a significant impact on children. According to UNICEF, children left behind by migrant parents face a range of challenges, including emotional distress, academic difficulties, and behavioral problems. Remember that the effects on children will vary depending on many factors, from the age of the child when they leave, to the quality of care provided by those left behind. If available, there are local programs designed to provide specialized assistance for children in OFW families such as supplemental education, mentorship, and art therapy, which can help children with emotional self-regulation.
The “Empty Chair” Metaphor
Think of the “empty chair” as a symbol. It represents the family member who is missing. It’s a visual reminder of their absence at family gatherings, celebrations, and even everyday moments. The “empty chair” isn’t just a physical absence; it also signifies the emotional void left behind. It represents the missed opportunities for shared experiences, the lack of immediate support, and the altered family dynamics.
Children often notice the “empty chair” more acutely than adults. They may ask questions like, “When is Mommy coming home?” or “Why can’t Daddy be here for my birthday?” These questions highlight their deep longing for their absent parent. Acknowledge these feelings and reassure them that their parent loves them very much and is working hard for the family.
Recognizing the Symptoms of Grief in OFW Families
Grief can look different for everyone. Some people might cry a lot, while others might become withdrawn and quiet. Here are some common signs of grief in OFW families:
Sadness and Depression: Feeling down, hopeless, or losing interest in things you used to enjoy.
Anxiety and Worry: Feeling nervous, stressed, or worried about the future. Children might be anxious about their parents’ safety while working abroad. Wives remaining home may exhibit worry over the financial implications or their ability to cope with household needs.
Anger and Irritability: Feeling easily annoyed or frustrated, or getting angry over small things. Family members may feel angry at the OFW for leaving, even knowing it was for the family’s benefit.
Difficulty Sleeping: Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Worry can often disrupt normal sleep patterns.
Changes in Appetite: Eating more or less than usual.
Social Withdrawal: Avoiding spending time with friends and family.
Physical Symptoms: Experiencing headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments.
For children: Changes in school performance, bedwetting, increased clinging behavior, increased sensitivity, or mood swings.
Remember, these are just some common signs. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, it’s important to seek help and support.
Coping Strategies for Grief and Absence
While the pain of separation is difficult, there are ways to manage the grief and strengthen family bonds despite the distance. Be practical, and take steps to mitigate these feelings. Here are suggestions:
Talk About Your Feelings: Don’t keep your emotions bottled up. Share your feelings with trusted family members, friends, or a counselor. Talking about your grief can help you process it and feel less alone.
Stay Connected: Use technology to stay in touch with your OFW family member. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media can help bridge the distance. Schedule regular video calls where you can see and talk to each other. For instance, you can use the same video chat platform at the same schedule every week. This provides some structured communication for the whole family.
Create Rituals: Establish routines and traditions to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection. For example, have a weekly family movie night where everyone watches the same movie at the same time, even if they are in different locations. Discuss the movie afterward over a video call. The more you do it, the more familiar they become, comforting the family.
Remember the Good Times: Look at photos, watch videos, and share stories about happy memories with your OFW family member. This can help you feel closer to them and remember the importance of their presence in your life.
Focus on the Positive: While it’s important to acknowledge your grief, also try to focus on the positive aspects of your family member’s work abroad. For example, think about how their work is providing a better future for your family. Think also of how their work is improving their own professional skills.
Support Groups: Joining a support group with other OFW families can be greatly helpful. Sharing experiences and advice with others who understand what you’re going through can offer comfort and practical ways to manage challenges.
Seek Professional Help: If your grief is overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support to help you cope with your emotions.
Open Communication: The biggest challenge OFWs face is the communication gap. Ensure that communication is open and transparent. Don’t hide issues—tackle them together. Do not let a long amount of time pass without speaking to each other.
Addressing the “Empty Chair” Directly
Instead of ignoring the “empty chair,” find ways to acknowledge it and incorporate your OFW family member into your daily life. Here are some ideas:
Keep Their Photo Visible: Display photos of your OFW family member in your home. This serves as a constant reminder of their presence and love. Some families like to place photos on the table during mealtimes, as if that person is truly present.
Talk About Them Regularly: Don’t be afraid to talk about your OFW family member. Share stories, memories, and updates about their life abroad. Especially talk about the things that they are doing to help the whole family.
Include Them in Family Activities: Even if they can’t be physically present, find ways to include your OFW family member in family activities. For example, set up a video call during dinner, or send them photos and videos of special events.
Create a “Memory Box”: Gather photos, letters, and other mementos of your OFW family member. This can serve as a tangible reminder of their love and support. Open it together during video calls and share memories. Ask the OFW family member to contribute to the box as well, sending items from their location.
Write Letters or Emails: Encourage family members to write letters or emails to the OFW family member. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in writing can be a therapeutic way to cope with their absence. Consider turning these letters into a scrapbook or a digital slideshow. Sharing them during a family video chat can transform casual conversation into something memorable and meaningful.
Involve Family in Decisions: Involve the OFW family member in critical family decisions, reaffirming their continuous role as a pivotal member of the family.
Specific Tips for Children Coping with OFW Parents
Children can be especially vulnerable to the effects of parental absence. Here are some tips for helping children cope with having an OFW parent:
Be Honest and Open: Don’t try to hide your child’s feelings. Acknowledge their sadness and let them know that it’s okay to miss their parent. Answer their questions honestly and age-appropriately.
Provide Reassurance: Reassure your child that their parent loves them very much and is working hard to provide for the family. Explain that their parent’s absence is not their fault and that they will eventually come home.
Maintain Routines: Stick to regular routines as much as possible. This can help children feel more secure and stable during a time of change. Try to follow consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, and school routines.
Encourage Communication: Encourage your child to communicate with their OFW parent regularly. Video calls, letters, and emails can help them stay connected and feel loved.
Provide Extra Attention: Give your child extra attention and affection. This can help them feel more secure and loved during their parent’s absence. Be patient and understanding with them.
Seek Support: If your child is struggling to cope with their parent’s absence, consider seeking help from a child therapist or counselor.
Creative Activities Drawing pictures, writing stories, or engaging in imaginative play can help children express their feelings and process their emotions in a healthy and creative way. Parents can provide materials and encouragement for these activities.
The Role of Technology in Bridging the Gap
Technology has revolutionized the way OFW families stay connected. Embrace the tools available to make the distance feel smaller:
Video Calls: Regular video calls are essential. Schedule specific times for video calls so that everyone can plan accordingly. Services like Skype, Zoom, and WhatsApp make it easy to see and hear each other.
Messaging Apps: Use messaging apps to stay in touch throughout the day. Sending quick messages, photos, and videos can help you feel more connected.
Social Media: Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can help you stay updated on your OFW family member’s life. Share photos and updates about your own life as well.
Online Games: Play online games together to have fun and bond. Many online games allow you to play with people from all over the world.
Online Events: Attend virtual events together, such as concerts, plays, or workshops. This can help you feel like you are sharing experiences even when you are apart.
Shared Online Albums: There are many online programs where family members can share photos and videos to each other.
Practical Tips for the OFW
OFWs carry the burden of separation, and so it’s important that they are also very active in the process of managing grief. These are a few helpful tips for them, too:
Be Present, Even from Afar: Make a conscious effort to be present in your family’s lives, even from a distance. Be available for video calls, respond to messages promptly, and show genuine interest in their daily activities.
Share Your Life: Share details about your life abroad with your family. Talk about your work, your friends, and your experiences. This can help them feel more connected to you and understand your life better.
Send Gifts and Surprises: Sending gifts and surprises can show your family that you are thinking of them. Small gestures can make a big difference. This makes the distance feel a little bit “closer.”
Plan for Your Return: Start planning for your return home early. This can give your family something to look forward to and alleviate some of the anxiety about your absence.
Be Patient and Understanding: Be patient and understanding with your family. They may be struggling with your absence, and they may not always express their feelings in the best way.
Remember Why You Left: Remind yourself of the reasons why you chose to work abroad. This can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals.
Seek Support for Yourself: Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Working abroad can be stressful and isolating. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you need it. Connecting with other OFWs facing similar challenges can also provide a sense of camaraderie and understanding.
FAQ Section
My child is very sad and withdrawn since their parent left. What should I do?
It’s tough seeing your child struggle. First, acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to be sad. Spend extra time with them, providing reassurance and love. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, and involve them in activities they enjoy. Scheduling regular video calls with their parent can also help. If the sadness persists or interferes with their daily life, consider seeking professional help from a child therapist.
How can I keep my relationship strong with my spouse while working abroad?
Maintaining a strong relationship requires effort from both sides. Communication is key. Schedule regular video calls to talk about your day, your feelings, and any concerns you may have. Be supportive of each other’s goals and dreams. Surprise each other with small gifts or thoughtful gestures. Trust is also essential, and make sure to discuss any issues openly and honestly. Couples counseling via video chat can also be a helpful resource.
I feel guilty for leaving my family to work abroad. How can I cope with this guilt?
Guilt is a common emotion for OFWs. Remind yourself of the reasons you chose to work abroad – to provide a better future for your family. Focus on the positive impact your work is having on their lives. Stay connected with your family as much as possible, and involve them in your life abroad. Acknowledge your feelings and talk about them with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Remember that you are doing your best to provide for your loved ones.
What if my OFW family member is feeling lonely or depressed?
Loneliness and depression are serious concerns for OFWs. Encourage them to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Help them connect with other OFWs in their area. Remind them of their support system back home and encourage them to stay connected. Send them care packages and thoughtful messages to remind them that you are thinking of them. If their symptoms are severe, encourage them to seek professional help from a mental health professional.
What are some resources available to help OFW families?
Many organizations and resources are available to help OFW families. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) in the Philippines provides various services and programs for OFWs and their families. There are also many non-profit organizations and support groups that offer counseling, financial assistance, and other forms of support. Online resources and forums can also provide valuable information and connections with other OFW families.
Ready to Reclaim Your Family’s Happiness?
The “empty chair” doesn’t have to define your family’s life. It’s time to take action and fill that void with love, connection, and support. Start by talking openly with your family about your feelings. Schedule regular video calls, create new traditions, and seek help when you need it. The journey may be challenging, but with effort and understanding, you can strengthen your family bonds and create a brighter future, even across borders. Take the first step today – connect with your family and start building a bridge across the miles.
References:
UNICEF Innocenti Research Centre
