Leaving your kids to work abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is one of the toughest decisions you’ll ever make. You’re doing it for them, to give them a better life, a good education, and opportunities you might not be able to provide at home. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, the distance can take a toll on your children. This article will explore the challenges OFW children face and give you practical tips to help cope and strengthen your family bonds, even across oceans.
Understanding the Challenges Faced by OFW Children
Being left behind when a parent works abroad isn’t easy. Kids might feel a range of emotions – sadness, anger, confusion, and even resentment. It’s important to understand these feelings are normal and valid so you can address them effectively. A 2012 study published by the Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS) on the impact of migration on children emphasizes the multifaceted nature of these challenges, linking parental absence to potential difficulties in children’s educational attainment and psychosocial well-being. You can find the PIDS study here.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Imagine your mom or dad suddenly moves to another country. You miss their hugs, their stories, and their presence at important events. You might feel lonely, especially if you’re used to them being around. Younger children may struggle to understand why their parent is away and might act out as a result. Older kids might feel pressure to be more responsible and take care of their younger siblings. They might also feel embarrassed or ashamed of their situation, especially if their friends have both parents at home.
For example, Sarah, a 10-year-old whose mother works as a nurse in Canada, started having trouble sleeping and her grades began to drop. She missed her mom’s bedtime stories and the comfort of knowing she was there. Her teachers noticed she was withdrawn and less engaged in class. This is just one example of how parental absence can affect a child’s emotional and academic well-being.
Academic Performance and Behavioral Issues
Studies have shown a correlation, but no proven causation, between parental migration and a child’s academic performance. It’s not always a direct result of the parent being away, but more so the effect of the secondary consequences like less direct supervision or changes in the household dynamics. The absence of a parent can lead to a lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, and declining grades. Some children might also exhibit behavioral problems like aggression, defiance, or withdrawal. They might seek attention in negative ways because they feel neglected or unloved. Some statistics show the correlation between a parent’s absence and difficulties in school. However, this isn’t true for all children of OFWs and depends on the child’s character, family resources, and access to support systems.
Consider the case of Mark, a teenager whose father works as a construction worker in the Middle East. Mark started skipping classes and hanging out with the wrong crowd. He felt his father didn’t understand him and that his mother was too busy to care. He craved attention and validation, and unfortunately, he found it in negative ways. He eventually turned things around with the help of a school counselor and a mentor, but his story highlights the risks associated with parental absence.
Financial Pressures and Responsibilities
While OFWs work hard to provide financial stability for their families, the responsibility can sometimes trickle down to the children. Older children might feel pressured to contribute to the household income or take on more chores than they’re equipped to handle. They might have to sacrifice their studies or extracurricular activities to help out. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and resentment. It’s crucial for parents to be aware of these pressures and find ways to support their children without overburdening them.
Maria, a 16-year-old, had to work part-time after school to help her mother pay for her younger siblings’ education because their father, an OFW, had a medical emergency. This left Maria feeling tired, stressed, and unable to focus on her own studies. While she understood the need to help, the added responsibility took a toll on her emotional and physical well-being.
Coping Strategies: Building Stronger Bonds Across the Distance
Despite the challenges, it’s definitely possible to maintain a strong and loving relationship with your children while working abroad. The key is to be proactive, intentional, and consistent in your efforts. Here are some strategies that can help:
Establish Regular Communication
This is the most crucial aspect of maintaining a connection with your children. Set up a consistent schedule for calls, video chats, or messages. Even a quick daily check-in can make a big difference. Talk about their day, their hobbies, their friends, and their worries. Let them know you’re interested in their lives and that you’re always there for them, even from afar.
Make it personal: Don’t just ask, “How was your day?” Try asking specific questions like, “What was the most interesting thing you learned in school today?” or “What did you do with your friends after school?” Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, and listen actively without judgment.
Use technology creatively: Send them funny memes, share interesting articles, or create short videos showing them what you’re doing. Use technology to bridge the distance and make them feel like they’re a part of your life, even if they’re not physically present.
Be Present for Important Events (Virtually)
Missed birthdays, graduations, and school performances can be especially painful for both you and your children. While you can’t always be there in person, make an effort to participate virtually. Use video calls to attend birthdays, watch school plays, or even help with homework. Send thoughtful gifts and cards to show them you’re thinking of them.
Plan ahead: Mark important dates on your calendar and make arrangements to be available, even if it means adjusting your work schedule. Preparation shows your children that they are a priority in your life and helps mitigate feelings of being left out.
Make it special: Record a video message for their birthday, send a personalized card with a heartfelt message, or arrange for a surprise delivery of their favorite food. Small gestures can go a long way in making them feel loved and appreciated.
Support the Caregiver
The person who’s taking care of your children while you’re away plays a vital role in their well-being. Offer your support, appreciation, and understanding to this caregiver. Whether it’s your spouse, a relative, or a nanny, make sure they have the resources and support they need to care for your children effectively. Open communication and a unified front are essential for creating a stable and nurturing environment.
Check in regularly: Ask the caregiver about the children’s progress in their studies, their behavior, and their overall emotional well-being. Offer to help with tasks or responsibilities if possible.
Show your appreciation: Send thank-you notes, give small gifts, or simply express your gratitude for their hard work and dedication. A little appreciation can go a long way in strengthening the caregiver-child bond and ensuring your children receive the best possible care.
Plan Meaningful Visits Home
If possible, schedule regular visits home. Even short trips can make a huge difference in strengthening your family bonds. Make the most of your time together by engaging in activities that everyone enjoys. Go on outings, play games, cook meals together, and simply spend quality time talking and laughing. It can be challenging to manage time constraints and financials; however, a concerted effort to return home can show that your family is indeed your priority.
Make it memorable: Plan a special activity that everyone will enjoy, like visiting a theme park, going to the beach, or taking a road trip. These shared experiences will create lasting memories that will help you stay connected even when you’re apart.
Be present: Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and focus on spending quality time with your children. Be actively engaged in their lives and create a space where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Encourage Open Communication About Feelings
Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings openly and honestly, without fear of judgment. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused about your absence. Validate their emotions and reassure them that you love them unconditionally. If necessary, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance.
Listen actively: Pay attention to what your children are saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Listen without interrupting, judging, or offering unsolicited advice. Let them know you’re there to listen and support them, no matter what they’re going through.
Validate their feelings: Let them know that their feelings are valid and understandable. Avoid dismissing their emotions or telling them to “cheer up.” Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer your support. For example, you could say, “I understand you’re feeling sad because I’m not there. It’s okay to feel that way. I miss you too.”
Involve Them in Your Life Abroad (Virtually)
Help your children feel connected to your life abroad by sharing your experiences with them. Show them pictures and videos of your workplace, your colleagues, and your surroundings. Tell them stories about your daily life and the challenges and rewards of working overseas. This helps them understand why you’re away and makes them feel like they’re a part of your journey.
Virtual tours: Give them a virtual tour of your apartment, your office, or the city where you live. Show them the sights, sounds, and smells of your new environment.
Share your culture: Teach them about the culture of the country where you’re working. Share traditional foods, music, and customs. This can help broaden their horizons and make them feel more connected to your life abroad.
Maintaining Discipline from Afar
Discipline can be tricky when you’re not physically present. It’s important to work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and expectations. Make sure your children understand the consequences of their actions and that you and the caregiver are on the same page when it comes to discipline. Consistency is key.
Establish Clear Rules and Expectations
Work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and expectations for your children’s behavior. Make sure everyone understands the rules and the consequences of breaking them. Consistency is key to effective discipline.
Stay Consistent with Consequences
When your children break the rules, be consistent with the consequences. Follow through on your promises and avoid making empty threats. This will help them understand that their actions have consequences and that you’re serious about maintaining discipline.
Focus on Positive Reinforcement
Instead of focusing solely on punishment, emphasize positive reinforcement. Praise your children for their good behavior and reward them for achieving their goals. This will help them feel motivated and encouraged to make positive choices.
FAQ Section: Addressing Your Concerns
Here are some frequently asked questions about raising children as an OFW:
How do I deal with my child’s anger and resentment towards me for leaving?
Acknowledge their feelings and validate them. Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry or resentful and that you understand why they feel that way. Listen actively to their concerns and try to address them in a calm and compassionate manner. Emphasize that you made the decision to work abroad out of love and a desire to provide a better future for them.
My child is struggling in school. How can I help from afar?
Stay in close communication with their teachers and school counselors. Ask for regular updates on their progress and offer to help in any way you can. Set up regular study sessions via video call or online tutoring. Encourage them to seek help from their teachers or classmates when they’re struggling. Consider sending them educational materials or software to support their learning.
How can I prevent my child from feeling lonely and isolated?
Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities, join clubs or organizations, or volunteer in their community. Help them build strong friendships with their peers. Schedule regular video calls with family and friends. Create opportunities for them to socialize and connect with others, even if you can’t be there in person.
What if my child starts exhibiting serious behavioral problems?
Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Explain the situation and get their feedback on how to best support your child. Your child might be grappling with complex feelings, and a qualified professional may offer more support.
How can I ensure my child doesn’t get spoiled by the money I send home?
Teach them the value of hard work and saving money. Involve them in financial decision-making, such as budgeting for household expenses. Encourage them to set goals and save up for things they want. Instill in them a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices you’re making.
References
Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS). Impacts and Policy Implications Migration and Left-behind Children Philippines.
Scalabrini Migration Center (SMC). Migration and Development: Children Left Behind.
UNICEF Philippines. Child Protection.
These references provide further insights into the impact of OFW life on children and offer additional resources for families.
Don’t let distance define your family. By implementing these strategies, you can bridge the gap and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your children, even across oceans. Take action today – schedule a call with your child, plan a virtual activity, or reach out to their caregiver. Every effort, no matter how small, makes a difference. Your love and support are invaluable to your children’s well-being. Make connecting with them a priority, and you’ll see a positive impact on their lives, no matter where you are in the world.
