When a family member works overseas as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW), it can feel like home is in two places: where they are working, and where the rest of the family is. This split can be tough on everyone, especially when it comes to feeling like you belong and understanding who you are. Let’s explore these feelings and find ways to navigate this unique situation.
Understanding the Dual Sense of “Home”
Imagine your mom or dad works in another country. They might be sending money home, calling often, and trying their best to be part of your life from far away. But they’re also building a life where they are, making friends, and adapting to a new culture. This creates two “homes” – the one they’re building abroad and the family home back in the Philippines. It isn’t always easy to balance these two worlds, and can bring up complicated feelings like sadness, guilt, and confusion for everyone involved.
For the OFW, there’s the challenge of integrating into a new society while maintaining strong ties to their original culture. They might feel torn between wanting to embrace new opportunities and missing familiar traditions and loved ones. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of displacement and a diluted sense of belonging.
Back home, family members, especially children, can struggle with a sense of incompleteness. They may miss the physical presence of the OFW, leading to feelings of loneliness and a disconnect from their parent. Sometimes, kids carry an extra burden to ease the OFW’s worries, adding stress. Keeping everyone connected can be difficult.
A 2023 study by the Philippine Statistics Authority, found that families with OFWs tend to spend more on education and healthcare, but may experience emotional strain due to separation.
What Does “Belonging” Really Mean?
Feeling like you belong means feeling accepted, understood, and valued. It’s about having a place where you feel safe and comfortable being yourself. When a family is separated by distance, maintaining this sense of belonging requires extra effort. It takes conscious effort to create activities for family members to participate in, to ease the sense of loneliness, and reinforce family identity.
For OFWs, fostering a sense of belonging in their host country could involve learning the local language, participating in community events, or joining Filipino expat groups. Simultaneously, they need to actively nurture their connection to their family and culture back home. This could involve regular video calls, sending care packages, and staying updated on important family milestones.
Back home, families can strengthen their sense of belonging by maintaining family traditions, celebrating Filipino holidays, and creating new rituals that include the OFW, even from a distance. This is crucial for creating a shared identity and reinforcing the family bond.
Navigating Identity: Who Are We?
When families are separated, individual and collective identities can shift. Children growing up with a parent overseas might develop a different perspective on family roles and responsibilities. They might become more independent and resourceful. The OFW, in turn, might acquire new skills, values, and perspectives from their host country.
Consider, for example, a child who takes on more household chores or responsibilities because their mother is working abroad. They are not only learning valuable life skills but also developing a stronger sense of self-reliance. Meanwhile, the mother might be learning new professional skills or adapting to a different work culture, leading to personal and professional growth.
It’s really important to talk about these changes within the family, by sharing thoughts and feelings openly. Encourage open and honest conversations between the OFW and their family. This way everyone can understand each other’s experiences better. Remind yourselves of the shared values.
Maintaining Cultural Identity
Culture shapes who we are, from the food we eat to the holidays we celebrate. When an OFW lives in a different country, they might experience a clash between their Filipino culture and the culture of their host country. For the family back home, continuing cultural traditions becomes even more important.
Celebrating Filipino holidays, cooking Filipino food, and speaking the Filipino language are all ways to maintain cultural identity. For the OFW, finding Filipino communities in their host country can provide a sense of familiarity and support. Back home, families can use technology to share cultural experiences with the OFW, like streaming a Filipino movie or singing Filipino songs together via video call.
Consider the example of celebrating Christmas. While the OFW might not be able to physically attend the family’s Noche Buena, they can participate virtually through video calls, sing carols together, and share stories. It’s also helpful to find other Filipinos in their host country to celebrate Christmas with, easing any sense of loneliness. A 2018 study on Filipino migrants in Canada noted the importance of maintaining cultural traditions as a coping mechanism against homesickness.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Family Bonds
Even with distance, there are many things families can do to stay connected and strong. It takes effort, but it’s totally worth it.
Consistent Communication is Key
Set up regular video calls, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. This allows you to see each other’s faces and share everyday moments. Use messaging apps to send quick updates and photos throughout the day. Consider using a shared online calendar to coordinate schedules and plan activities together.
For example, families can agree on a specific time each week for a family video call. During these calls, everyone can share what they’ve been up to, discuss any challenges they’re facing, and make plans for the future. Make it a point to ask specific questions and really listen to the answers. The goal is to make the OFW feel like they’re still part of the daily life of the family. Don’t just talk about the big things; be sure to discuss the small, everyday moments that make up family life.
Making Memories Together (From Afar)
Plan virtual activities that the whole family can enjoy. This could be watching a movie together, playing online games, cooking a meal together (each in your own kitchen), or reading a book aloud. Share photos and videos of important events and milestones. Create a shared online photo album or scrapbook to document family memories.
Consider virtual movie nights where everyone watches the same film at the same time and chats about it afterward. Or perhaps a virtual game night with online board games or trivia. Even something as simple as reading a bedtime story to children via video call can create a sense of intimacy and connection. Using technology creatively can help bridge the distance and keep everyone involved in each other’s lives.
Supporting the Caregiver at Home
The family member who stays behind to care for the children often shoulders a lot of responsibility. The OFW should make sure to talk to the current caregiver frequently to see how they are doing so they can offer support. If possible, find ways to help lighten their load. This could involve hiring help with household chores or finding activities for the children to participate in.
For example, the OFW could send money to hire a cleaning lady or a tutor for the children. They could also arrange for family members or friends to help out with childcare or errands. It’s also crucial for the OFW to acknowledge and appreciate the caregiver’s efforts. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in making them feel valued and supported.
Involve OFWs in Decision-Making
Keep the OFW informed and involved in important family decisions, such as those related to the budget, children’s education, and home improvements. Seek their opinions and consider their input. This helps them feel like they continue to be an instrumental member of the family. It reduces their sense of helplessness.
Discuss important financial matters, children’s education, or family health concerns. Schedule virtual family meetings to discuss these issues together. Make sure everyone has a chance to voice their opinions and contribute to the decision-making process. This helps to maintain a sense of equality and respect within the family, even when separated by distance.
Addressing Emotional Challenges
Living apart can bring up many different emotions. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them.
Dealing with Loneliness
Loneliness is common for both the OFW and the family members left behind. For the OFW, joining expat groups, pursuing hobbies, and staying active can help combat loneliness. At home, families can participate in community activities, spend time with friends and relatives, and find new interests. Staying busy often distracts them.
The OFW can connect with other Filipino expats in their host country. These communities often organize social events, cultural activities, and support groups. It can be helpful to find people who understand what you’re going through. Back home, families can focus on building strong relationships with friends and relatives. Spending time with loved ones can provide a sense of comfort and support.
Managing Guilt
OFWs might feel guilty for being away from their families, especially during important events. It’s important to remember that they are working hard to provide for their loved ones. Families can help by expressing their gratitude and appreciation. The OFW should focus on the positive impact of their work and the sacrifices they are making for the family.
The OFW could remind themselves of the reasons they chose to work abroad. Were they doing it to give their children a better education? To provide their family with a more comfortable home? By focusing on these goals, they can feel more confident about their decision.
Coping with Stress
Stress is a common emotion for everyone involved. The OFW might be dealing with work-related stress, cultural adjustment, and financial worries. Families back home are dealing with taking care of the children, and the budget at times. Encourage everyone to find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. The Department of Health (DOH) offers online resources for mental health support, and you may look into getting some advice.
OFWs can explore relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, yoga, or listening to calming music. Families back home can find stress relief by spending time outdoors, engaging in hobbies, or talking to a friend or therapist. It’s also important to establish healthy boundaries and learn to say “no” to additional responsibilities. This helps prevent burnout and maintain a sense of balance.
Reintegration Challenges
When the OFW eventually returns home, reintegration can be both exciting and challenging. Everyone has changed while apart. It may take time to adjust to living together again.
Communication is Still Key
Keep talking openly with everyone. The habit of family members talking to each other shouldn’t stop. The OFW can learn about things they missed while gone and adjust to their culture again, and the stay-at-home family members can support the OFW during this process.
Respecting Each Other’s Space
Everyone has gotten used to having more independence. It’s important to give each other some space and understanding as you settle back into a routine. Encourage the OFW to pursue their interests and hobbies. Families can also continue their individual activities and friendships. This helps create a sense of balance and prevents the OFW from feeling like they’re “invading” the family’s space. The family may feel suffocated too if the OFW tries to control them too much.
Re-Establishing Roles and Responsibilities
Discuss with everyone about what they expect from the new setup. A good discussion of the roles and responsibilities between members of the family can go a long way towards smoothing any ruffled feathers. The OFW shouldn’t expect to suddenly take over every aspect of the family’s life again – it should be a gradual process involving compromises.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about navigating life when home is in two places:
How can I help my child cope with the absence of their parent?
Validate their feelings, reassure them that it’s okay to miss their parent, and encourage them to talk about their emotions. Create opportunities for them to communicate regularly with their parent through video calls, letters, or emails. Maintain a consistent routine and provide them with extra love and support. It also helps to emphasize the positive aspects of the situation, such as the opportunities the OFW’s work provides for the family.
What if my spouse and I are arguing more since they started working abroad?
Distance can definitely create tension in a relationship. Try to schedule regular video calls specifically to discuss your relationship and any issues you’re facing. Be honest and open about your feelings, and avoid letting small disagreements escalate. Remember that you’re both under a lot of stress, and try to be understanding and supportive of each other. Consider seeking professional counseling if communication becomes consistently difficult. There are online counseling options that can allow you to attend sessions together, even when you’re in different locations.
How can I maintain my Filipino identity while living in another country?
Join Filipino expat communities, participate in cultural events, and cook Filipino food. Stay connected with family and friends back home and celebrate Filipino holidays. Teaching your children about your culture and traditions can also help preserve your Filipino identity. Consider volunteering at Filipino organizations or attending Filipino language classes to deepen your connection to your roots.
When is it time for the OFW to consider coming home for good?
This is a very personal decision that depends on many factors such as the OFW’s financial goals, job opportunities back home, and the emotional needs of the family. It’s a good idea to have an open and honest conversation with all family members about their feelings and priorities. The OFW should also research employment options and consider the cost of living and other financial factors before making a final decision. Some OFWs create a detailed financial plan to determine when they’ve reached their savings goals and can comfortably return home.
How can I prepare for the OFW’s return home?
Start by discussing everyone’s expectations and concerns. Be prepared for some adjustments as you all get used to living together again. Involve the OFW in family decision-making and give them opportunities to reconnect with friends and relatives. Be patient and understanding, and focus on building a stronger family bond. It can also be helpful to declutter the home and make space for the OFW’s belongings before they arrive.
Make “Home” Feel Like Home, Wherever You Are
Being part of an OFW family has its own unique set of challenges and rewards. It requires flexibility, consistent communication, a willingness to embrace change, and an unwavering commitment to family. By focusing on maintaining strong family bonds, celebrating cultural identity, and supporting each other through the ups and downs, you can make “home” wherever you are. Don’t let distance define your family – let love, connection, and understanding be your guiding forces. Start implementing these practical steps today, and together, you can create a future where every member of your OFW family thrives, feels a sense of belonging, and celebrates the unique experience of belonging to two places at once.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority
Department of Health
Study on Filipino migrants in Canada, 2018
