Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) and a parent is tough. You work hard to provide for your family back home, but being far away from your kids can be really hard on everyone. This article offers practical tips and advice to help you stay connected and be a good parent, even when you’re miles apart.
Understanding the Challenges of Distance Parenting
Let’s face it, distance parenting isn’t a walk in the park. Kids miss their parents, and parents miss their kids terribly. One of the biggest challenges is the emotional toll. Kids might feel sad, angry, or even abandoned. They might act out, become withdrawn, or struggle in school. As an OFW parent, you might feel guilty, anxious, and worried about whether you’re doing enough. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, both in yourself and your children.
Another challenge is communication. It’s easy to get caught up in work and forget to stay in touch regularly. Or, when you do connect, it might be difficult to have meaningful conversations. Time differences, busy schedules, and limited internet access can all get in the way. Also, important milestones, like school plays or sports events, happen without you physically being there, which can lead to feelings of sadness and isolation.
Finally, there’s the challenge of discipline and guidance. It’s harder to enforce rules and provide support when you’re not around. You rely heavily on other family members, like grandparents or older siblings, but it’s crucial you’re still involved, even from afar. Leaving the care of your children to relatives is great, but make sure they share the same values you do so you children aren’t confused with different sets of moral codes.
Building a Strong Connection With Your Children
Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t have a close relationship with your kids. It takes effort, but it’s definitely possible! The key is to be intentional about staying connected.
Make communication a priority. Schedule regular video calls with your kids. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy; just a quick chat to see how they’re doing. Consistency is key! Try to call at the same time each week so they know when to expect it. Use whatever technology works best for you and your family — Skype, WhatsApp, Messenger, or even just regular phone calls. If internet access is limited, explore options like pre-paid mobile data or local communication centers. Remember, active listening is important. When they’re talking, really listen to what they’re saying, ask questions, and show that you care.
Get involved in their lives, even from afar. Ask about their schoolwork, their friends, their hobbies. Find out what they’re interested in and try to learn more about it. For example, if your child loves basketball, watch games online together and talk about the players and the strategies. If they’re into a particular video game, ask them to teach you how to play it (even if you’re terrible at it!). You can even attend online events like school programs streamed through social media.
Send letters or care packages. There’s something special about receiving a handwritten letter or a package full of goodies from Mom or Dad. It shows that you’re thinking of them, even when you’re not there. Include photos, small gifts, or treats they love. Make sure what you send are appropriate and allowed by customs’ rules and regulation in your home country.
Create shared experiences, even remotely. Watch movies together (synchronize your viewing with a video call), read the same book and discuss it, or play online games together. Find ways to create memories that you can both cherish. Think about starting a scrapbook together, where you can both add photos and stories about your experiences, even if they’re happening in different countries.
Supporting Your Child’s Education From Abroad
As a parent, you want your children to succeed in school. Being an OFW doesn’t mean you can’t be involved in their education. Here’s how you can provide support from a distance:
Stay in touch with their teachers. Ask the guardian to attend parent-teacher meetings and relay the information to you. You can have video calls with the teachers to discuss your child’s progress and any concerns. Make sure the teachers know that you’re actively involved and that you care about your child’s education.
Provide resources and support. Make sure your child has the necessary tools for learning, such as books, computers, and internet access. Consider hiring a tutor if they’re struggling in a particular subject. Offer encouragement and praise for their efforts, even if they don’t always get perfect grades. Remember, a growth mindset is crucial—help them focus on learning and improving, rather than just getting good grades.
Help with homework and projects. Even if you can’t physically sit with them, you can still help with homework and projects. Use video calls to explain concepts, review their work, and offer suggestions. Encourage them to ask questions and seek help when needed. But again, remind them that they can always ask for help if they’re struggling. Your availability and the help you provide means more to them than the answers.
Encourage a love of learning. Read to your children (even remotely), take them to virtual museums, and explore educational websites together. Make learning fun and engaging so they’re motivated to succeed. Show them how what they’re learning relates to the world and their future endeavors. For example, if they are learning about the American Revolution, you can read about it and together find facts about its link to Philippines’ own rich, revolutionary history.
Coordinating with Caregivers Back Home
Since you can’t be there in person, it’s essential to have a reliable caregiver who can look after your children in your absence. This person could be a grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling, or a trusted family friend. Communication and coordination are key to ensuring your children are well cared for.
Choose a caregiver you trust. Select someone who shares your values and parenting style. Make sure they’re responsible, patient, and able to provide the love and support your children need. If possible, spend time with the caregiver and your children before you leave, so they can get to know each other and build a relationship. Provide a detailed care manual about the proper care of your children.
Set clear expectations and guidelines. Discuss your rules, expectations, and disciplinary methods with the caregiver. Make sure they understand your preferences and are willing to follow them. For example, if you don’t allow your children to watch TV after a certain hour, make sure the caregiver enforces that rule. Be proactive in guiding them when it comes to important decisions involving your children.
Maintain regular communication. Stay in touch with the caregiver to check on your children’s well-being. Ask about their activities, their moods, and any issues that may have arisen. Offer support and guidance to the caregiver, and let them know that you appreciate their hard work. It is important to be in communication with them because as the popular adage goes, “it takes a village to raise a child.”
Show appreciation. Taking care of children is tiring and challenging, so it’s important to show your appreciation to the caregiver. Offer words of thanks, send small gifts, or provide financial compensation if possible. Acknowledge their efforts and let them know that you value their contribution to your children’s lives.
Dealing with Emotional Challenges
Distance parenting can be emotionally challenging for both you and your children. It’s important to address these challenges head-on and find healthy ways to cope.
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, guilty, or anxious when you’re away from your children. Don’t try to suppress these feelings; acknowledge them and allow yourself to grieve the time you’re missing. Talk to your spouse or partner, a trusted friend, or a therapist about your emotions. Remember, taking care of yourself is essential so you can better take care of your children.
Create rituals and traditions. Establish routines that help you feel connected to your children, even when you’re far away. For example, you could read them a bedtime story over video call every night, or celebrate birthdays with a virtual party. These rituals can provide a sense of normalcy and connection.
Focus on the positives. While it’s important to acknowledge the challenges of distance parenting, try to focus on the positives as well. Remind yourself that you’re working hard to provide for your family and give them a better future. Celebrate your accomplishments and the progress your children are making. Focusing on the good aspects can improve your mood and motivate you to keep going.
Seek support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Join online support groups for OFW parents, talk to a therapist, or connect with other parents who are going through similar experiences. Sharing your feelings and getting advice from others can be incredibly helpful. The Philippine government has many programs and services for OFWs, including OWWA (Overseas Workers Welfare Administration) which provides support and assistance.
Making the Most of Your Time Together
When you do have the opportunity to visit your children, make the most of your time together. Plan fun activities, create lasting memories, and reconnect with them on a deeper level.
Plan ahead. Before your visit, ask your children what they want to do. Make a list of activities that both you and they will enjoy. Consider their age, interests, and abilities when planning. Remember, the goal is to spend quality time together, so choose activities that will allow you to connect and have fun.
Be present. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and focus on your children. Give them your undivided attention and show them that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say. Listen to their stories, play their games, and laugh together. These moments of connection will create lasting memories.
Create new memories. Try new things together, such as visiting a local attraction, going on a hike, or cooking a new recipe. Photo albums and souvenir shops are great ways to preserve these memories.
Re-establish routines. While it’s tempting to let your kids stay up late and eat junk food during your visit, try to maintain some semblance of routine. This will help them feel secure and stable, and it will make the transition back to your absence easier. Remind them of the importance of school, chores, and healthy habits. Remember to be firm but understanding in implementing them.
Preparing for Your Departure
Saying goodbye is never easy, but it’s important to prepare your children for your departure. Be honest with them about your feelings, reassure them of your love, and make plans for staying connected.
Talk about your feelings. Let your children know that you’re sad to leave them, but that you’re also excited about going back to work and providing for their future. Share your hopes and dreams for them, and reassure them that you’ll always be there for them, even from afar. Don’t be afraid to cry, it will remind them that you’re only human and that you, too, have emotions.
Make a plan for staying connected. Discuss how often you’ll call, video chat, or send messages. Set realistic expectations and stick to them as much as possible. Remind your children that you’ll always be just a phone call or video chat away. Have a detailed plan so they will feel as if you’re leaving a part of yourself that will remain and remind them of your love.
Create a goodbye ritual. Establish a special way of saying goodbye that will help your children feel loved and secure. This could be a special hug, a secret handshake, or a heartfelt letter. Whatever you choose, make it something that will remind them of your love and presence.
Leave a reminder of yourself. Give your children something to remember you by, such as a favorite t-shirt, a photo album, or a handwritten note. These tangible reminders will help them feel connected to you even when you’re not there. Leaving behind a special item is like giving them a piece of your heart to hold until you return.
FAQ Section
How can I deal with my child’s anger and resentment towards me for being away?
It’s completely understandable that your child might feel angry or resentful. The most important thing is to acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand why they’re upset. Don’t dismiss their emotions or try to argue them out of feeling the way they do. Instead, listen patiently, validate their feelings (“I understand you’re angry because I’m not there for your soccer games”), and reassure them of your love and commitment. It’s also helpful to explore the root of their anger. Are they feeling lonely? Overwhelmed? Insecure? Addressing the underlying issues can help alleviate their resentment. As a long-term strategy, ensure that you are as involved as possible, show that you care, and find ways to make their life more exciting. If your children are of a certain age, you can teach them financial literacy and show them how the money you send is allocated for your family’s everyday needs.
My child is struggling in school. How can I help them from overseas?
First, communicate with your child’s teachers to understand the specific areas where they’re struggling. Then, explore resources like online tutoring, educational websites, or study groups. Make sure your child has a dedicated study space and a reliable internet connection. Schedule regular video calls to help them with their homework or projects. You can also encourage them to seek help from their teachers or classmates. Most importantly, provide encouragement and support, and praise their efforts, even if they don’t always get perfect grades. Remind them that you’re there for them, even from a distance.
How do I discipline my child effectively when I’m not physically present?
Discipline from a distance can be tricky, but it’s not impossible. The key is to have a clear set of rules and expectations that are understood by both your child and their caregiver. When your child misbehaves, talk to them about it over video call or phone. Explain why their behavior was unacceptable and the consequences of their actions. Be consistent with your discipline and follow through with the consequences you’ve set. It’s also important to praise and reward good behavior to encourage positive choices. In some cases, it may be necessary to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in distance parenting.
How can I maintain a strong relationship with my spouse while working overseas?
Maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse while working overseas requires effort, communication, and understanding. Schedule regular date nights over video call, where you can dress up, share a meal, and talk about things other than your children and household issues. Send each other messages throughout the day to stay connected. Carve out time for intimate conversations where you can share your feelings, fears, and dreams. Trust and honesty are essential, so be open and transparent with each other. Find ways to support each other emotionally, physically, and financially. Remember, your relationship is the foundation of your family, so prioritizing it is crucial.
My child misses me terribly and cries a lot. How can I comfort them?
It’s heartbreaking when your child is sad and misses you. The most important thing is to validate their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad. Tell them that you miss them too and that you’re thinking of them. Create a comfort box filled with photos, letters, and small gifts that they can look at when they’re feeling down. Schedule special video calls where you can read them a story, sing them a song, or just talk about their day. Remind them of all the wonderful things they have in their lives and the exciting things you have planned for the future. Most importantly, reassure them of your love and commitment, and let them know that you’ll always be there for them, no matter what. In some cases, seeking help can offer more solutions when it comes to your children’s mental health.
References
UNICEF. (n.d.). How to Talk to Your Teenager. Parenting.
Understood.org. (n.d.). Growth Mindset and Kids.
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA).
You’ve got this! Being an OFW parent is one of the biggest sacrifices you can make for your family. You’re working hard to give them a better future, and that’s something to be proud of. But don’t forget that your presence and connection are just crucial as everything you provide. Start implementing some of these tips today! Schedule that video call, write that letter, and reach out to your child’s teacher. Make a conscious effort to stay involved and show your kids how much you care. It won’t always be easy, but the rewards of a strong, loving relationship with your children are worth every effort in the world. Take that first step now – your family will thank you for it!
